Mac McMonigle teaches the second-semester course on ethics, which he calls "a lot of fun." Its 300-plus "issues" include what to do with an extra-large body. Put it in a normal-size casket and bend it at the knees or buy an extended casket? What to do when you're out of cardboard crib cremation containers -- use a recycled paper container such as an empty Clorox box and refund the money to the parents? There are no right or wrong answers, McMonigle counsels. You just have to use your best judgment.
"What can you say about ethics?" he says. "You either have good ethics or you don't. You're either moral or you're not."
McClure teaches a third-semester course in communications, instructing students in, among other things, the finer points of relating with the family and obituary writing. In smaller cities, funeral homes often provide local newspapers with obituary copy.
"There's a need for more knowledge about the death process and funeralization because it's going to happen to everybody," says McClure. "It is inevitable. If you have no knowledge, you could make poor choices when you're not in a frame of mind to make good choices. Knowledge is power."
McClure advances this philosophy in her merchandising class, anticipating the Mitfordian critique of her profession by adding that it is not the funeral director's job to sell caskets but to assist families in selecting something that is suitable for their needs.
"Sometimes people have the type of funeral they do because they're meeting some sort of social expectation," McClure observes. "You can get married in a $29.95 dress from J.C. Penney's and be just as married. Why do people spend thousands on a dress? People say you can't equate the two, but they're both ... social events."
Social events, yes, but also religious events. Christians anticipate resurrection after death, Hindus believe in reincarnation, Jews maintain that this life is our only shot. The third-semester Funeral Principles, Arranging and Directing course also teaches students the intricacies and practices of various religions.
"We are in a community of so many cultures," says McClure. "We try to serve them all."
Graduation from the San Francisco College of Mortuary Science is an informal occasion. Hayse says his class held a brief ceremony and a sit-down lunch in a downtown hotel, with instructors, friends and family making up the gallery.
Klein is already thinking beyond her June graduation and a return to Phoenix, where she'll complete her two-year apprenticeship and find work as a trade embalmer. Spreading her wings, Klein now has the soul of a mortician.
"I look at people differently," she says. "They told us you would do that. If I was a plastic surgeon, I'd be looking at someone and saying I could fix that nose."
"I'm an embalmer. We look at people and think, 'How in the hell am I going to get that mouth closed?'
