The Absolutely True, Somewhat Spurious and Totally Impossible

CONSPIRACIES BY THE BAY!!!

Stich's source is "Agent X," one of the CIA hands in the plot, who claims the Israelis were willing to off Clinton because Bush's Gulf War had endeared him to the besieged republic.

"The Mossad is a very strong force in San Francisco," Agent X told Stich. "They really wanted [Bush] to win."

The team of assassins assembled at the Presidio in July 1992, where the coordinating Mossad operative told Agent X who the target was.

"I got sick," Agent X said. "I said to myself, another Kennedy."
Not that sick. Ever the good spook, Agent X says he went along with the plot: "I then asked for the technical details."

Agent X claims that the assassins worked out of the Republican Party office on Van Ness -- which, he insists, was wall-to-wall CIA. As the assassins prepared for Clinton's imminent arrival, they established safe houses and the hit team secured key positions across the street from the Nob Hill hotel slated to host Clinton. Agent X says it was the Ritz Carlton. The news-papers say Clinton stayed at the Fairmont. But what's a little inaccuracy in a conspiracy?

By August, everything was in place. All the plot needed was one Arkansan sitting duck. But, "at the last moment," the hit was called off by higher-ups in Washington. Told that someone outside the operation knew about the plan, the hit squad was ordered to kill all factions involved (except themselves -- presumably someone else would take care of that).

From there, Agent X's conspiracy wheels out of control. It would be more plausible to say that what happened next was that Agent X prayed to Satan, ingested the CIA's strategic supply of LSD and booked passage on the Glomar Explorer to Jonestown.

But he didn't. Instead, an unnamed female Mossad agent is snuffed. A CIA go-between is killed. Plans to liquidate the entire law firm of Hiller, Ehrman, White and McCauliffe (don't ask why) are shelved. Finally, the powers that be in Washington contact the team with the identity of the leak: A security guard in the law firm's Bush Street building who was dating an Israeli spy. The hapless rent-a-cop -- unnamed, of course -- conveniently commits suicide in front of a BART train. "Job well done," Washington tells the team. Two days later, Agent X was reassigned to the Middle East.

Clinton's visit came off without a hitch. He never knew how close he came to buying the farm. But Bubba might not be out of the woods yet. According to Stich, a second CIA source intimated that Operation Mount Rushmore was never scrubbed, but merely "put on hold.

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