Savage Love

Hey, Faggot: I am in need of some serious, straightforward advice. Four years ago, I moved to California with my boyfriend of two years. We were very much in love, and we were on our way to marriage and eternal bliss. Then the fire slowly died and we broke up.

But we never stopped seeing or fucking around with each other. Now, two years after we initially broke up and several relation-ships later, he realizes he loves me and only me and wants me back for good this time. Sounds great, right? The problem: a mutual friend recently told me my ex has been dissing me during the last two years. He's lied about practically everything, not only to me, but to his friends so they wouldn't know we were fucking around. I confronted him and told him I could never trust him because he hurt me so much. He wants me to believe he's changed and give him "one more chance." I don't know what to do.

The problem sounds so juvenile, but I'm 28 years old and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with this person. Should I give him another chance to prove he's changed? Or should I follow the advice of every single friend of mine, cut my losses now, and get on with my life? I do love him, but I can't believe he loves me. Please help.

SEM
Hey, SEM: If half your friends were telling you to give him one last chance and the rest to throw the bum out, I'd come down on the side of risk and say, "Sure, give the lying sack of shit another shot. Maybe he's changed. If you take him back, and he's still a shit, at least you'll know it was the wrong thing to do. Don't take him back, and you'll always wonder whether you made the right decision."

Under these circumstances, with every last friend advising you not to take him back, I'm going to defer to your pals. They're closer to you than I am, they know all the details -- they know him! -- and I don't. On those rare occasions when our friends are all in agreement, we should listen to them. It's likelier they're all right than they're all wrong, you know what I mean? Take him back against their collective good counsel, and when it comes to shit again you're going to be surrounded by people saying, "I told you so." Resist the charms of a you-and-me-against-the-world-baby romance -- they only work out in French films, and even then someone usually has to die at the end.

Pardon my cliche, but time heals all wounds, and your wounds are brand spankin' new. Technically, you may have "broken up" with him two years ago, but emotionally -- at least for you -- you were "together" the whole time. You were nursing that flame, girlfriend, hoping everything would come out right in the end. Hell, you were still fucking him! You never came to terms with it being over, cuz it wasn't ever over. Well, now it is. Make the break, and tell yourself every morning, "This ain't never gonna be." And get out there and seriously date other guys, not as stopgap boyfriends you're killing time with until He Realizes What He Threw Away and Comes Crawling Back to Me. Good luck.

Hey, Faggot: Please explain to me "straight" men's obsession with lesbian sex. If it's considered a homosexual act, why do so many men get off on it as opposed to male-female sex? Are they closet cases or is it the desire to see the licking and sucking of female genitalia without the competitionof another penis in the picture? What's the big deal?

Just Wondering
Hey, JW: Straight men's "obsession" with lesbians has next to nothing to do with homo-sex, and absolutely nothing to do with lesbian sex. While some men have a "thing" about dykes, or fantasize about being lesbians, most of the "lesbian-lite" porn produced for straight boys plays to their well-documented girl-boy-girl three-way standard-issue fantasy (have a gander at the personals). Whatever pussy-chomping the pictured women get up to on their own is merely prologue -- the real action begins when the meat arrives. In "lesbian-lite" porn, the meat simply hasn't made its entrance yet. So, the straight boy jerking off to this month's "lesbian" spread in Penthouse magazine imagines it's his meat the ladies are waiting for, projects himself into the scene, and gets his dirty, stinking rocks off.

Hey, Faggot: I don't know if you remember, but I wrote you a letter about my attraction to amputees three years ago. The only difference between me and AMP Fan, whose letter you and your mom answered a couple of weeks ago, is that I'm gay and AMP Fan is straight.

I was very touched by your kindness and straightforwardness in answering my letter. Unlike my friends, you didn't treat me like a sick pervert. You tried but couldn't find a group of like-minded men, and you advised me to start one.