How to Lie, Cheat, and Steal Your Way to Influence at City Hall -- Legally

Find a Friendly Nonprofit (or Start Your Own) Then give money to it to publicize the ballot issue you favor. Motorola did this in 1993, giving $5,000 to the San Francisco Taxpayers Association, which in turn mailed an endorsement list of ballot measures that included a $40 million bond measure to build a communications system -- rigged to make Motorola the sole-source contractor. Motorola declared its contributions a charitable deduction, the ballot measure passed, and Motorola won the contract.

Fund a Referendum or Initiative Campaign There is no limit on how much money you can spend, and nobody knows who is paying the bills until after the measure qualifies for the ballot. If you're an employee of the measure, go ahead and pay yourself as much as you like.

Hire the Relative -- or Lover -- of a City Official City officials must report the income of and the property held by their spouses, but not their lovers. Hire the lover of a city official and exert your influence through the bedroom. Since we all want equality, San Francisco could change its disclosure form to include domestic partners, but no one -- including a supervisor with a domestic partner -- has suggested such an amendment.

Relatives are a little trickier, but only if they're legal dependents. Shortly after Frank Jordan Jr. was admitted into the hard-to-enter Plumbers Union apprentice program, the head of the union was appointed to the Airport Commission (where new contracts are coming up). Jordan doesn't have to report the arrangement, and neither do the plumbers.

The $99 Special Establish a political action committee and be careful to solicit contributions of $99 or less to beat the $100 contribution disclosure law. A similar effort by Supervisor Bill Maher in 1992 netted his committee over $14,000 for a mailer that helped defeat Supervisor Jim Gonzalez and elected Supervisor Barbara Kaufman. All but two of the contributors gave less than $100, providing them anonymity in case anyone wanted to retaliate.

Steal Free Newspapers That Oppose You Although it is against the law to destroy campaign signs in San Francisco, District Attorney Arlo Smith has ruled it isn't a crime in S.F. to pinch whole stacks of free newspapers -- even though Berkeley officials cite the same California law in their determination that it is unlawful. (Former Police Chief Richard Hongisto nearly perfected this form of legal thievery; his mistake was to assign police officers on duty to pull the papers, which resulted in his dismissal.) A new law has been proposed by Smith, with Supervisor Shelley's support, to criminalize such thefts, but it only punishes newspaper recyclers. If you just want to burn the damn things, it may prove to be no hitch under the proposed law.

Contribute Late in the Campaign Hold off until the last 10 days of the campaign -- when every candidate is desperate to cut a deal. The state requires all large contributions made in the last 10 days of the campaign be reported within 24 hours, but because the state cutoff is $1,000 and the limit in San Francisco for candidates is $500, this rule doesn't apply.

Hire a City Official to Work for You Outside the City Limits Under the law, city officials need only report income earned in San Francisco or from San Francisco businesses.

Donate Professional Services to an Officeholder Are you an interior decorator? Graphic artist? Political consultant? Investment banker? You can donate personal or professional services (free maid service?) so long as you aren't paying someone else to do the work. This is great for accountants (let's just check on those investments, shall we?), auto mechanics, writers, and others whose product isn't tangible.

So You Want to Be a San Francisco Commissioner The only problem is that you live in Marin, and the city charter says you have to be a San Francisco "elector" in order to be named to a city post. It's actually not a problem anymore. City Attorney Louise Renne ruled last year that Jan Zivic, registered to vote in Napa County (and with a homeowner's exemption there), was legally sworn in to the San Francisco Library Commission. An "elector," Renne decided, meant only that you were eligible to vote.

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