Savage Love

Hey, Faggot: I'm a bisexual woman who decided to "come out" after years of hiding my true feelings. I've developed a network of friends -- mostly bisexual -- and we enjoy spending time in gay clubs.

Recently, I met a lesbian through a voice-mail ad, and after talking on the phone, we decided to meet. Neither of us was looking for a relationship; she just wanted to go out and have fun -- like me. One night a friend of mine and I had plans to go out. I contacted this woman by phone and told her we would be in the area. She told me where she would be, and said to stop by.

When I spotted her, she was not especially attractive to me, but it really didn't matter -- we were just supposed to meet as friends. Well, she obviously didn't find me attractive either, because when I tried to talk to her, she completely ignored me! Her friend said she wasn't interested in meeting me. I was FURIOUS, not because she didn't find me attractive, but because I didn't appreciate being looked at like a bad piece of meat. I felt dehumanized and let her know by leaving a nasty message on her answering machine.

Someone told me this type of behavior is not uncommon among the lesbian community. That experience has left me with a bad taste in my mouth toward lesbians, and I'm ready to go back in the closet, living my life as a heterosexual and repressing my desire to express my true feelings to the "right woman."

Do I have to stick to bisexual women or conform to the silent rules and regulations of the lesbian subculture? I was partial to exclusively gay women until now.

Degraded and Demoralized
Hey, D&D: If one bad experience with a social-skill-deprived dyke is all it takes to send you shrieking back into the closet, well good riddance is all I have to say. Move your ass back into the closet, where you're sure to be blissfully happy -- cuz, lord knows, straight men don't stand women up; they don't judge woman solely on their looks; a woman has never, never, never felt "degraded" or "dehumanized" by the thoughts, words, or deeds of a breeder-boy; and it's a well-known fact that straight guys are never cruel or short or mean or rude. Oh, no: That "type of behavior" is peculiar to the lesbian community. Thanks very much for interloping, D&D. Don't let the closet door hit you in the ass on the way back in.

Or, hey! How about this: You could get the fuck over it. She was a bitch, you left her a nasty message. Now, take a deep breath and let it go. You are by no means the first person -- male or female, bi, gay, or straight -- to have a bad experience on a blind date, in a lesbian bar, or with someone you hooked up with via the personals. If queers go flying back into the closet every time we're treated badly by another fag, dyke, or bi, there won't be anybody left outside the closet in about three weeks. Quit whining.

Hey, Faggot: I enjoy licking my girlfriend's raspberry mouse of a twat with such fervor that I often develop a blisterlike swelling under my tongue, where it joins the flesh hinge that anchors it to the jaw. The thin membrane swells into a little white ball about the size of a pepper corn and makes further licking far less enjoyable. After a day or two of rest it returns to normal.

Do I have a special condition? If so, are there any procedures surgical or otherwise that can rectify this? Any tips on dealing with medical professionals?

Tongue-Tied and Panting
Hey, TTAP: A. What is it? I dunno, a blister maybe? Herpes? Canker sore? Go see a fucking doctor about your "condition," what the hell can I do about it through the mail?

B. Tips on dealing with medical professionals: arrive early for appointments; bathe before an exam; don't steal things when the nurse leaves you alone in the examining room; when the doc arrives, get to the point -- other patients may be waiting in other little rooms; be polite; ask them if they support a national health care program; ask questions if you don't understand what the nurse or doc is telling you; pay your medical bills in a timely fashion. Duh.

Hey, Faggot: My ex-boyfriend is a cross-dresser. I always thought cross-dressers were men who "got off" on women's clothes but still wanted to have "normal" sex. This was not the case with us: When he "dressed," "she" became a separate person entirely and "the lady of the house."

What initially scared me was that my response to "her" was definitely masculine. I felt like the "man" to his "woman" and couldn't understand where these feelings were coming from. I let the idea of being a "freak" really get to me.

Eventually I let myself enjoy being "me." Depending on our mood, we took turns exploring and fully enjoying being the man and the woman for each other. As everyone knows: Sometimes you want to give and sometimes you want to receive!

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