Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): To be honest, I have no Capricorn planets in my own chart and I'm glad. I'm having too much fun this lifetime being a weird rebel artist, and that would've never happened if, say, Mom had postponed my birth for seven days and given me a Capricorn moon. That said, I want you to know that some of my best friends are Capricorns. And I wish that one of them was with me right now, as I begin a four-day Keno, craps, blackjack, and roulette spree on a riverboat casino in Louisiana. Fact is, you goats are currently the very embodiment of a good luck charm. I know you don't often gamble, but this is the best time to try it in months -- and I don'tR> just mean at games of chance.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): According to a polling firm hired by the fabulous television show TV Nation (Friday nights on Fox), 17 percent of all college grads would punch themselves in the face really hard for $50. My unofficial poll of the Aquarians I've met while on my cross-country tour suggests, however, that upward of 80 percent of you would punch yourself in the face for a mere $35. Usually I could forgive shortsighted financial thinking like this, but right now it would be an abomination. Your knack for conjuring long-term cash-flow improvements is at a peak.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Dear Dr. Brezsny: I'm a 72-year-old retired divorcee living on a Social Security income of $651 a month. Four days ago, a gentleman I met in church asked me to run away to Madagascar and be married in a nude ceremony surrounded by crocodiles and howler monkeys. Do you think this is wise from the standpoint of my future security? -- Piscean Dreamer
Dear Piscean: I hate to tell you this, but there are no howler monkeys in Madagascar. However, many of the current astrological indicators suggest that you Pisceans are likely to be rewarded if you do something crazy for love.