Chief Probation Officer Ed Flowers is struggling with his bureaucratic euphemisms these days. At mayoral forums he's been buttonholing pols and stressing that the "cottages" up at the Youth Guidance Center are actually jails -- jails, damn it! -- and the kids are there because they've done wrong. He then goes on to say that he wants to put bars on them thar jails. But he plans to call them "security barriers" to avoid offending the faint of heart. ... Suck has been swallowed whole by HotWired. Joey Anuff and Carl Steadman, the bright bulbs behind the the 3-month-old splenetic review of the Web and technology (, have sold out -- but for an excellent price to their daytime employers, HotWired. "We promise more well-researched vitriol," says Anuff, "and intelligent applications of multimedia." As part of the Web-wide binge that will most certainly be followed by a purge, HotWired is staking Anuff and Steadman enough cash to hire a senior editor, a designer/animator, a copy editor, and an engineer. "Applicants should be brilliant. Brilliant always translates to a tangible body of work. Brilliant does not include bullhorns, ritual scarification, or affected Tourette's. That's just weird," their help-wanted ad reads. "Suck offers more than a competitive salary: we can give you a business card that says you Suck." Send your ASCII resume to

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