The Birds and Bees S.F. residents bored by human polymorphous perversity can revive their erotic imagination with a trip to the zoo. "The S.F. Zoo Valentine's Day Sex Tour" is a 90-minute infotainment train ride. Leg fetishists can learn about millipedes; nostalgic types can watch necking giraffes. Champagne and truffles are part of the tribute to animal magnetism, which begins at 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. (continuing Saturdays and Sundays through Feb. 18) at the S.F. Zoological Society, 1 Zoo Road, S.F. Tickets are $25-30; call 753-7165.
Pop Tarts Q: What local group has a ditty about back-masking in which demonic chants of "Do it!" mutate into "Dewitt" (as in Joyce)? A: Enrique. "Dancin' With the Devil" is one of 16 songs on Cut the Cheese, the group's long-time-coming debut LP. Originals like "Supermarket Samba" mix with the Jim Steinman tribute "Total Eclipse Out of Hell" and the Dolly/Kenny/Styx goulash "Roboto in the Stream" at a 9 p.m. concert/release party at Transmission Theatre, 314 11th St., S.F. Tickets are $6; call 861-6906.
Louder Than Bombs Guy Debord didn't just write "The Society of the Spectacle"; he also created a filmic collage of his visionary Situationist essay. Through newsreels, ads, and movie clips, Debord charts mass-mediated alienation and rebellion. After Debord's recent suicide, only a video version of "Society" (with subtitles by Keith Sanborn) remains. The first installment of this year's "Other Cinema" series, it opens at 8 p.m. at Artists' Television Access, 992 Valencia, S.F. Tickets are $5; call 824-3890.
So Emotional German expressionism uses landscape to express emotion. Covering art produced between 1895 and 1935, "Innocence and Experience: German Expressionist Prints and Drawings" includes work by many of the era's best-known artists: Max Beckmann, Otto Dix, George Grosz, and Käthe Kollwitz, among others. You can see it from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. at the University Art Museum, 2626 Bancroft, Berkeley. Admission is $4-6; call (510) 642-0808. "Innocence and Experience" continues through April 21.
Darling Niki Who Is the Monster -- You or Me? is a film about a filmmaker: '60s avant-garde director Niki de Saint Phalle. Emphasizing Saint Phalle's firm feminism and eccentric personality, director Peter Schamoni interweaves her past art with her current life. The lights go down at 7 p.m. at Lark Theatre, 549 Magnolia, Larkspur. Tickets are $6; call 924-3311. Who Is the Monster continues through Tuesday.
The Truth Is Out There Some people watch The X-Files because of Gillian Anderson's strong, smart female protagonist. Others watch it because they want to have children -- or at least safe sex -- with co-star David Duchovny. The FBI-suspicious show is a natural draw for conspiracy theorists, so it must be big in the Bay Area. Creator/executive producer Chris Carter and actors Mitch Pileggi ("Skinner") and Steven William ("X") will attend "The Official X-Files Convention"; video displays, a prop museum, and lots o' merchandise will also be on hand. The event runs from 1 to 8 p.m. at Nob Hill Masonic Center, 1111 California, S.F. Tickets are $10-15; call (818) 409-0960.
A Four-Letter Word Beginning With L The title of Nancy Wilson's 55th LP is Love, Nancy. The LP's subject is -- surprise! -- happy love, sad love, excited love, and unrequited love; the cover versions include Bonnie Raitt's forlorn "I Can't Make You Love Me." Wilson prefers the tag "song stylist" to jazz or blues singer; witness her style at 8 and 10 p.m. at Kimball's East, 5800 Shellmound, Emeryville. Tickets are $24; call (510) 658-2555.
I Like Bikes The Chaplin-esque Jour de Féte -- Jacques Tati's 1949 comedy about a bicycling postman on Bastille Day -- is the opening treat at the "Bicycle Film Festival." The two-wheel celebration also features documentaries (Wella Lasola and Seth Weinstein's punk-messenger pic Beasts of Burden), pseudo-documentaries (David Engwicht's 2040: A Message From the Future, and a personal appearance by Steven Smith, who is pedaling around the world. Watch from 1 to 9 p.m. at the Berkeley Store Gallery Annex, 2295 Shattuck, Berkeley. Admission is $2-4; call (510) 704-5599.
The Feminine Mystique Taking its title from a slasher flick that Siskel and Ebert loved to hate, Wilhelm and Birgit Hein's media-violence meditation Kali Film: I Spit on Your Grave caused a scandal in Europe. "This film shows us women soldiers, watchmen, and criminals as well as child-bearing, drunk, masturbating, circumcised, dismembered victims," the female Hein says of her recent solo work, The Mysterious Women. ("It's also about me," she adds.) Hein appears at an S.F. Cinematheque screening of The Mysterious Women at 7:30 p.m. at S.F. Art Institute, 800 Chestnut, S.F. Tickets are $3-6; call 558-8129.
Look at Yourself One of the more moronic local film reviews in recent memory came from a daily critic who found the casual use of the word "nigger" by white L.A. cops in Charles Burnett's The Glass Shield unrealistic. The truth hurts, and truth be told, Burnett -- unlike the celebrated Hughes brothers -- shuns sensationalism for deeper human and political depictions of racism. Burnett appears at a screening of The Glass Shield and When It Rains (a 1995 short) at 7 p.m. at Pacific Film Archive, 2625 Durant, Berkeley. Tickets are $3.50-5.50; call (510) 642-1124.