Savage Love

The problem? I want to get married, but she still wants to "chase the dream." Recently she moved out west as a "temporary" career move. She told me she was "thinking" about marriage but still wanted to live the "jet set" life for a little while longer -- I burned out on that scene long ago. However, I'm not a stick-in-the-mud. I can still rock.

We talk on the phone every other day or so, and she sounds like she misses me. Am I fooling myself? Should I be looking for someone who has found what she wants from life and is happy with it, or should I wait this one out? I was burned once before in a similar situation. I don't want to be burned again.

Don't Wanna Be Nobody's Fool
Hey, DWBNF: She's hedging her bets. She's keeping you on hold while she sorts out whether marriage, and everything that comes along with it (like, say, you), is what she wants. Call her and tell her you support her explorations, and you honestly believe she should chase that dream, jet those sets, etc., etc., so that when or if she decides to settle down, she'll feel good about the decision and won't spend the rest of her life with you wondering what might have been.

Then tell her that while she's out there chasing down dreams you need to break it off. Say, "We can stay in touch, but someone might come along who wants the things I want, and wants them now. But if, because you can't make up your mind, I'm still in this committed-but-on-hiatus relationship when that someone comes along, my dream might pass me by." Then add, "If I'm still free when and if you decide to settle down, I'm all yours."

Are you pressuring her? Yeah, a little bit. But so what? She can't have it her way all the time. If she doesn't want what you want -- if she doesn't want you -- she needs to cut you loose. Good luck.

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