Savage Love

Hey, Faggot: I know this is going to sound like I don't have a problem, but I'm worried about what my boyfriend might think.

I'm not sure exactly how it happened (he and I had been drinking, so I guess I wasn't paying much attention at first), but while we were making quite passionate love, all of a sudden I realized we were having anal sex. It wasn't rape or anything -- I was on top!

It was great. I had a wonderful orgasm, and "Todd" did, too. The thing is, I don't know if he remembers: He is the last person in the world I would expect to want to have anal sex. I really want to try this again sober, but knowing him, sober he might think it was dirty or slutty. Should I forget about this and fondly remember the "accident"? How can I approach him without scaring him away?

Kinda Kinky
Hey, KK: The boyfriend knows what happened. Maybe he's convinced himself that, since you were so drunk, you have no idea what happened. Ass and pussy are very different sensations, and any guy too drunk to tell the difference is too drunk to get it up. So he knows. There's probably a letter from him in my stack of unopened mail asking how to approach you: "My girlfriend was so drunk, she had no idea I was fucking her in the ass. She's the last person in the world who would want to have anal sex. How do I tell her?"

Whether he'll be into a repeat, I can't say. You'll either have to ask him yourself or send me his phone number and I'll ask him for you. Or you could just slip his dick back in your ass next time you want to have buttsex. Then, WHILE HE'S FUCKING YOUR BUTT ask him what he thinks of anal sex. If he acts disgusted, look him deep in the eyes AS HE'S FUCKING YOU IN THE ASS and say, "But honey, you're fucking my ass right now."

Hey, Faggot: I have been entertaining having anal sex, without a condom, with my girlfriend. However, I would like your advice:

1) How come in all those pornographic anal-penetration movies, the penis always comes out "clean," with no fecal matter smeared on it? What's the secret?

2) When a man and a woman engage in anal sex without condoms, what is the risk of the man getting an infection, and what type?

3) How about giving your partner a deep "rim job"?
Any related information on the matter, or references for more information, are welcome.

LCB
Hey, LCB: 1) The secret is making sure your bowels, or the bowels you're buggering, are good and empty before the buggering. Some lucky folks have a sixth sense about when they're "clean." Lesser mortals may have to take an extra-credit dump, or opt for a quick enema or anal douche. Poop-smeared dicks caught on video during porno shoots doubtless wind up on the cutting-room floor with the cunt farts, blow-job-induced retching, stray pubic hairs, etc.

2) If the woman you're buttfucking sans condom has a sexually transmitted disease -- rectal gonorrhea, non-gonococcal urethritis, syphilis, herpes, warts, HIV -- odds are good to pretty good you'll have it too by the time you pull out. If you have any doubts about your partner's health or rectitude, use a condom. And, hey, there's an added bonus to condom use: If your dick is "smeared with feces" when you pull it out of her ass, the shit will be on the condom, not on your dick. Lift the base of the condom off your dick, slowly turn it inside out and, voilà! Clean dick!

3) How about rimming? Well, it's no first date/mystery date activity: Add hepatitis, intestinal parasites, E. coli, and other bugs to the list of STDs you have to worry about.

A good reference book for beginning buttfuckers is Dr. Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health, also known as the "Buttfucker's Bible." If an adult bookstore near you doesn't stock it, try your local gay and lesbian bookstore; or you can order a copy by sending $12.50, plus $3.50 shipping and handling, to: Down There Press, 938 Howard St., San Francisco, CA 94103.

Hey, Faggot: I am an Anglo breeder female. In several years of perusing my boyfriends' skin magazines, I have noticed that on the relatively rare occasions they show a woman's anus (always blonde, Anglo anuses), the skin around the anus is invariably either pink, the same color as the rest of her skin, or an infinitesimally darker "flesh" color. I, on the other hand, have quite noticeably darker skin around the anus, which is itself pink.

1) Am I unusual?
2) Are the models airbrushed, or lighted?
3) Or, perhaps, do only people with that look apply, or are accepted, for the modeling jobs?

4) What percentage of Anglos have the darker anal skin, and what percentage look like the models?

In the Dark
P.S. All my boyfriends are non-Caucasian, so I can't tell by looking at them.

Hey, ITD: 1) You're a freak.
2) Where did you ever get such an idea?
3) Maybe, I mean, I guess it could be that.
4) How the hell should I know? Pants all the white people in the office?

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