Phallus in Blunderland

The doughnut is gone, at least to the casual observer. Pubic hair will grow back and cover what little scarring is left. The knuckle is significantly absent and the penis is reasonably smooth.

"[The patient] is going to be left with something that, in general, is going to be quite cosmetically acceptable in the locker room," McAninch says.

Medically speaking, the surgery is a success. But the patient -- who was once normal -- will never be normal again.

"I try to use my best knowledge, skill, and information that I've learned to do it. It's unpredictable," McAninch says.

He has yet to go back in a second time on the same patient.
"I don't want to do it to tell you the truth, because you run the risk of making it worse," he says.

The patient will wake up and find his penis wrapped heavily in gauze, like a family heirloom packed to move, and housed in an athletic supporter to keep the weight from pulling out the stitches. He will have shots to ease the pain in the hospital and pills to help make it bearable at home. Because it will hurt like hell.

He will miss work for at least the next 10 days, which he will spend mostly in bed. His penis will not be healed for about three months. And he won't have sex for several more months. While there is no problem with the occasional erection, intercourse puts great pressure on the area where the tissue has been moved around, making a romantic interlude a painful ordeal.

That is, of course, assuming he gets that far. The guilt and shame of having indulged this vanity can bring on great depression. And with that often comes impotence, like a snowball rolling downhill.

"They already felt bad," explains psychologist Zilbergeld. "They were hoping for something to make them feel better. Now they've got a medical problem, too."

A whole lot of guys have focused their anger in civil lawsuits against doctors, including Rosenstein. Some are at the urologist trying to undo the mess. Still others are suffering in silence.

In medical terms: "Although a verifiable complication rate may never be available, the morbidity of elective penile lengthening and girth enhancement is noteworthy. These cosmetic techniques should be regarded as experimental."

Translation: Maybe Mother Nature's version isn't so bad after all.