Savage Love

2) What I objected to wasn't the naming itself, but the "sacred sex" mumbo jumbo the original writer employed to describe her taco of love: "I think of my yoni as a sanctuary of creative feminine powers, Cupid's cave, and a lotus of her wisdom." I don't know about you, but I've always believed, perhaps foolishly, that a woman's creative powers were between her ears, not her legs. When a woman ascribes to her pussy all the powers I associate with a woman's brain, it makes me cringe. And, ironically enough, women who would kick a man's ass for reducing them to what's between their legs are usually the very same women who'll happily reduce themselves to what's between their legs.

3) If you were in bed with a guy who described his cock as "the lightning rod of his creative powers, Zeus' thunderbolt, and the log of his wisdom," wouldn't you find him just a bit insipid? Conceited? Annoying? Full of shit? I would.

4) As for cuntophobia, I happily admit to suffering from that pernicious affliction. Hide one of those Hustler magazine centerfold roadkill close-ups under my pillow, and I won't sleep for a week. But I agree that women should be free to call their twats whatever they care to. (I'm content to call them from afar, long distance, collect, etc.)

Confidential to Dickless: Five inches ain't all that, but it ain't no gunshot wound either. Big dicks, like thin women, get all the good press, but plenty of people like little dicks, and, likewise, plenty of people dig fat chicks. Your mission is to find one of the former. For support, get in touch with Small Etc., an organization for the "small-endowed or short in stature man." Small Etc. publishes the Small Gazette which, in addition to general interest stories, features loads of contact ads -- from small people, and people who like small people. Really, Dickless, your "problem" is a point in your favor in enough people's eyes that you don't have to be alone. Write to: Small Etc., PO Box 610294, Bayside, NY 11361. And before anyone bites my head off, Dickless here signed his letter "Dickless." I didn't slap that label on him.

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