Mulch

Pediatric Proctologists Need Not Apply
In a roundabout way, academia has validated what everyone at this year's S.F. Health Summit and elsewhere has been saying for some time: In its race to the cutting edge of medicine, the University of California (the nation's largest provider of medical education and clinical care) may well be turning out more more specialists than anyone needs.

At its Oct. 17 meeting, the UC Board of Regents gave the go-ahead for a 28-member Commission on the Future of Medical Education to examine how the state's needs are met by the current configuration of California's health care practitioners. The commission consists primarily of doctors, nurses, and health care CEOs from across the country. Among the luminaries: Kenneth Kizer, U.S. undersecretary for health; Sandra Hernandez, head of the S.F. Department of Public Health; Democratic Assemblyman Phillip Isenberg; and Kaiser Foundation CEO David Lawrence. The group is also charged with recommending changes to UC's five medical schools.

By far, UC San Francisco trains more doctors (and more specialists) than any of the five UC medical schools. Last year, UCSF sent 70 medical residents into the health care world, while UC Irvine was a distant second with 44. Slightly more than half, 51.5 percent, of last year's residents at UCSF were specialists.

Statistics show that an overwhelming majority of UC medical graduates stay in California. But only about 47 percent of UC's 4,400 medical students are enrolled in primary care specialties such as family practice, pediatrics, and obstetrics and gynecology.

The commission's report and recommendations are due in the spring. And, given the size of the UC system and the geographic mix of commission members, it's likely that any findings could become a model for schools throughout the United States.

-- L.D.

Pantywaist of Time
Toward the back of the now infamous "politics" issue of the Oct. 21 New Yorker, in the story where Mayor Willie Brown calls legislators "mistresses that you have to service" -- you know, the issue that was on the stands a week before anybody in S.F. noticed? -- the mayor also calls such pols: "pantywaist."

Now, the mayor is articulate; it's doubtful this was a slip of the tongue. So, does he know something we don't?

After all, being such a tomcat about town, he is probably no stranger to the world of lingerie. The mind reels. Has Willie Brown inadvertently divulged the hidden secret of City Hall, that the likes of Michael Yaki or Kevin Shelley are in fact wearing women's underpants? And, if so, where would said garments be obtained?

Aricie Lingerie de Marque in the downtown Crocker Galleria would be a logical stop for a politician with a hankering for fine silk bloomers. But when asked about selling lingerie for men, a clerk replies, "No, we don't. We have in the past, but a long time ago." Perhaps she was referring to the Art Agnos regime. A wild bunch.

Sarah's Bare Necessities in Concord (discreetly out of the area code) offers not only mail-order services, but free home lingerie parties as well. If you were a public figure, such anonymity could be ideal. Shut the curtains and everyone tries on the reinforced-panel briefs right there in your living room. Get out the cheese fish, put on some CDs, and dance till dawn! Nobody needs to know.

When asked about the conceivability of S.F. supes obtaining unmentionables from her company, a salesperson named Cara says, "Well if they did, I wouldn't know it." She chuckles knowingly, and continues. "I do sell to police officers. Everybody likes to have fun."

Elections are next week. May the best G-string win.
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