Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I don't mean to make an exact comparison between your imminent fate and that of the Norwegian woman who found her long-lost wedding ring in the entrails of a moose her husband's hunting party brought her to cook. But there's something about your story that resonates with hers. Could it be you're about to discover a forgotten or abandoned or stolen treasure in a place you can barely stand to look at or touch?
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Researchers recently found that kids who wolfed down sugary breakfast cereals right before school did better on tests than those who skipped the sweet stuff and ate earlier. I bring this up, Capricorn, because it's final-exam time for you. In the next couple of weeks, you'll be tested and tested and tested to see how well you've mastered the lessons of the past 11 months or so. To maintain a mental sharpness comparable to the children with the soaring blood sugar levels, I suggest you engorge six or seven bowls of Froot Loops every day until the testing season is over. Either that, or meditate your ass off.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Of all the dehumanizing notions foisted on us during election season, few are more idiotic than the idea that candidates who change their opinions lack character. I agree with the Aquarian writer Brook Hinton, who said, "I don't trust politicians whose views stay the same over time. For that matter, I don't trust anyone who doesn't continuously change." Keep this thought in mind as you ramble through the next few weeks, Aquarius. The time is ripe for you to change your mind about everything.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Are you one of those drivers who never stops to ask for directions and never admits you're lost? If so, you'll be rambling in lots of crazy circles this week. There's no way you'll be able to navigate through the obstacle course ahead unless you're humble enough to solicit help. Even your maps will deceive you if you rely on them too literally. By the way, it's equally important that you don't slip into the passenger's seat next to an overconfident pilot who thinks he's got the instincts of a migratory bird.