Hey, Faggot: I am a gay man, six months into a relationship with a wonderful man. We mesh well and the sex is great, except for one thing: No matter how slow or fast or gentle or rough I am, he simply CAN'T get fucked. I've tried massage, I've tried tying him up, I've tried extended (hours!) foreplay. That one muscle just won't relax enough to let me get more than an inch into him without excruciating pain. He's said he'll stay forever with the man who can fuck him, and I want that person to be me. Any suggestions?
Hey, Faggot: My boyfriend has tried numerous times to enter me anally, but it always hurts so bad that I make him stop. We've been together almost three years, and enjoy a great hetero relationship. He says he's totally satisfied, but I know that he really wants to do this, and I do, too. What can we do to make it pleasurable for both of us? Any suggestions? Thank you.
Hey, F & JB: Have you, um, considered drugs? Departing from the recovery theme for a moment, poppers may be the answer to both your prayers. Amyl or butyl nitrite, poppers, were ever-so-popular during the It's Raining Men era. One li'l sniff causes muscles to relax, including tense butt muscles, followed by a sometimes pleasant, sometimes not, head rush. Please note: You do not ingest poppers, you only smell them. Ingesting amyl or butyl nitrite can kill ya, so don't do it. Poppers are illegal in the United States, by the way, but can be purchased over the counter in Canada. Or you can order a few of those dubious bottles of "video head cleaner" from the ads in the back of any gay newspaper. They're supposed to be poppers, but god only knows what's in 'em.
Once again, poppers aren't good for ya, but neither's bacon, and that's not illegal. If you're going to use poppers, use 'em in moderation. Back when I was learning how to relax, I used poppers, and besides a lingering inability to pronounce the word "archipelago," they don't seem to have done me any harm.