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CyberTowne U.S.A. 

Tired of computer gimmickry and gadgetry for Christmas? Prepare for exhaustion!

Wednesday, Dec 18 1996
Comments
Hi everyone, this is Sandi! My phone friends and I want to welcome all of you to the newest edition of our blowout CyberTowne U.S.A. holiday gift headquarters! 'Tis the season to start your Christmas countdown with these perfect gift solutions for that special computer someone!

Meet your favorite mouse-clicker under the mistletoe with our newest mind-blowing memory upgrades and high-tech hardware! Choose from our wide selection of way cool stocking stuffers to download those New Year's resolutions! Our cross-platform environment upgrades will do everything except serve the eggnog!

Only CyberTowne offers you merchandise you never realized you cared about, at prices you never thought you'd be able to calculate! Gosh, I'm getting all carried away with myself here! Call me today, and let me help you put the fun back into function!

Yule be glad you did!
XXOO,
Sandi

Introducing!

The Club .......... $99.95
Now, the premiere security system for cars is also available for your computer! The Club for Computers protects your data with an impenetrable shield of rugged kryptonite -- the bad guys take one look at the Club and move on to another computer. Endorsed by the software consultants for the Police Chiefs of America. Beware of imitators! Insist on the Club!

Infolearn & Edutainment

Symphonica Composer II ..........$399.95
Compose your own symphony ... for a song! If you've always dreamed of composing a symphony, but haven't had the time or money, Symphonica Composer II is your ticket to 18th-century Vienna. Simply load the program, click "play," and sit back as a lush symphony springs to life. Customizable tool bar allows you to insert more notes, make music go faster. No musical knowledge required.

Http:\\Multi-SpartaDOS=Z7>bf2\go for Dummies ..........$34.95
Tired of learning about computers from your children? At last, a reference book for the rest of us! Popular "Dummies" series now presents the only Http:\\Multi-SpartaDOS=Z7>bf2\go manual you'll ever need! Easy-to-read, step-by-step instructions incorporate all previous Http:\\Multi-SpartaDOS=Z7>bf2\go software configurations. Added bonus: includes complimentary copy of Control-Alt-Complete, the fascinating 460-page autobiography of computer pioneer Gunnar Torgursson, founder of Http:\\Multi-SpartaDOS=Z7>bf2\go.

Medical Mystery Series No. 17:
The Marvels of Human Impregnation ..........$65
Invigorating and instructive CD-ROM series continues with this snappy A-to-Z tour of the magical Homo sapiens reproductive process, beginning with either 5 p.m. Happy Hour or "The Barbecue."

O Ye Parchment ..........$19.95
Brings the word of God alive -- not on tattered parchment but in colorful multimedia! Contains all the world's sacred religious texts, abridged for today's modern scroller, including the Old and New Testaments, the Koran, the Torah, the Tao Te Ching, and Dianetics. Video clips feature Charlton Heston, Peter O'Toole, L. Ron Hubbard.

Antarctica: The Forgotten Continent ..........$6.95
Explore the surreal landscape of the frozen "wundra" to the south with the only fully interactive CD-ROM devoted to Antarctica still on the market! Customize maps of the region with your own paths, symbols, and text, or sing along with a QuickTime music video of Foreigner's "Cold as Ice" and other vaguely Antarctic-themed hits. Optional Internet link lets you ask real-time questions of scientists based in Antarctica, such as "Why's it so cold?" and "What does penguin taste like?"

Top 10 Mac Pack ..........$19.95
A random assortment of 10 remaindered CD-ROM games, interactive digital learning experiences, and fully customizable cybertools bundled together in a somewhat more attractive package.

Games

Project Eviscerate: The Ultimate Payback! ..........$64.95
Throw away your DeathDrome and Mortal Kombat, and wipe that smirk off your face, you little bastard! If you win this game, you're allowed to live, but if you lose, twin tentacles of cold steel will actually burst out of your computer monitor, encircle your throat, and crush your larynx. Then, two razor-sharp needles shoot into your eye sockets and punch your eyeballs out through the back of your skull. Finally, a mucus-covered probe snakes down your gullet, grabs a hunk of your guts, rips it straight out of your mouth, turns you over, and sodomizes you with your own intestine! Our deadliest game ever! Sony, Nintendo, and Sega platforms available. Ask about our previously owned versions.

Virtual Hollywood Squares ..........$99.99
Now everyone's favorite celebrity game show of the '70s is an exciting interactive CD-ROM of the '90s! Archival video clips of Peter Marshall, Paul Lynde, Charles Nelson Riley, Rose Marie, Wally Cox, and Cliff Arquette (as Charley Weaver) bring the action to life in a game that's as easy as Click-Tac-Toe! Fully customizable level editor even allows you to sit in the center square and ask questions of yourself, or reconfigure the Hollywood square into a rhomboid, octagon, trapezoid, or trapezium. Host Marshall says, "Virtual Hollywood Squares is the most exciting CD-ROM game ever made -- true or false?"

Mission: Philosophy ..........$4.95
Intellectual edutainment at its best! You're dropped over the Pindus mountains in central Greece -- without so much as a compass or sundial. Armed only with a robe, sandals, and the teachings of history's greatest philosophers, you navigate your way south to Athens in time for the ecclesia general assembly ... or do you? Historically accurate adversaries range from the Peloponnesian War to the Stoics and lowly Sophists. Is it Aristotelian dialectics that saves you, or will it be Plato's transmigration of souls? Exciting, informative, "edutaining," and this season, the price is unbeatable.

Pong: Special Silver 25th Anniversary Edition ..........$125
A familiar blast from the past! Limited-edition colorized version of this arcade classic includes humorous failed prototypes, a history of the world's highest scores, and original programming notes and sketches by Pong creator Nolan Bushnell. Ambient sound CD (included) offers classic Pong-playing environments of clicking billiard balls, ordering of pizzas, and Mom calling everyone to dinner.

CD-Roms

Wartime Atrocities ..........$79.95
Make the dead come alive -- in exciting multimedia! Access more than 20,000 photos, documents, and video clips of the 20th century's most awesome wartime atrocities. You'll have a front-row seat to view the 1919 Armenian slaughter, the World War II Holocaust, the 1970s Khmer Rouge genocide, and the recent "ethnic cleansing" in Bosnia, all accompanied by a killer techno-rave soundtrack! With a smooth, side-scrolling, and deadly point-and-kill interface, 360-degree movement, eight-player networking, and a built-in level editor, you'll go on a twisted, gut-churning horror ride, while at the same time paying your heartfelt respects to the innocent victims of man's inhumanity to man. Get on the subscription list now and receive a free Soldier of Fortune cap.

About The Author

Jack Boulware

About The Author

Tom McNichol

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