Hey, Faggot: I am a straight white male involved with a woman who loves anal sex. After "doing" her several times, I am hooked on anal sex. My girl tells me there are many women who like to get fucked in the ass. She also tells me that white women have anal sex more than black and Hispanic women (we are white). Is this true?
Hey, BM: Yes it is, according to The Social Organization of Sexuality, the big book o' sex trivia compiled by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Almost one in four white women surveyed had had anal sex on at least one occasion, vs. fewer than one in five Hispanic women, and fewer than one in 10 black women. The sex fiends at the University of Chicago could've botched the numbers -- this is, after all, the same study that "discovered" only 1 percent of the population of the United States to be gay or lesbian. If that were true, I'd like to know exactly who's buying up all those Jeff Stryker dildos, tickets to women's pro basketball games, bottles of "video head cleaner," and Sondheim CDs.
Speaking of Stephen Sondheim -- which we weren't, but it's my column -- gay men, do you ever have one of those moments, just strolling along, living your life, when you suddenly think, "Goddamn! I am one big-ass fag!" And have you noticed that those big-ass-fag awareness moments are almost never when you're, say, doing something really gay, like sucking on some dick, or fuckin' some butt? It happened to me just the other day: I was walking down the street with my boyfriend, having a really heated argument about which is better: the London or Broadway cast recordings of A Little Night Music. He prefers Broadway, while I prefer London. I mean, why do we even care? But we do. We almost broke up! Hey, if you're reading this Mr. Sondheim, please settle this for us before we come to blows: Which do you like better? London, right?