Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Unlike the pope's and Ted Koppel's, my pronouncements aren't infallible. As opposed to Nostradamus and Alan Greenspan, I don't believe I have the future all figured out. "Tomorrow is never set in stone" is my guiding philosophy. Therefore, my friend, always regard my horoscopes as but one of the clues you need to gather before bursting into action. Are you ready to receive my advice in that spirit? If so, here goes. Take a test drive this week, but don't sign on the bottom line quite yet. Bargain in good faith, but only as long as there's an escape hatch. Follow your heart as far as you can without actually pledging it forevermore.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You're more than eligible to graduate from the School of Hard Knocks. Though you only got a C minus in your class on "Sucking Up to Self-Important Windbags," you earned a B plus in "Banging Your Head Against the Wall for Fun and Profit" and an A in both "How to Look Half-Cool While Slaving Away as a Beast of Burden" and "Paying a Year of Dues in a Month." So let me hereby award you your B.A. (as in BadAss), and invite you to apply for admission to a far less stressful regimen: a two-month workshop in relationships.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): For all intents and purposes, you've done the equivalent of teaching a cow to jump over the moon in the last few weeks. And that ain't all. Metaphorically speaking, you've as good as stared down a big bad wolf, deodorized a raggedy-ass pig, and trained a snake to make cappuccino. What the hell could you possibly do for an encore? Don't even worry about trying to top yourself. Lie back and exploit the afterglow of this extraordinary sublimation of beastly energies.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): Any day now you're going to be ready to start living at the speed of light. That'll be a nice change of pace from what you've been doing in recent weeks, which has been living at the speed of a 5-year-old who's just been told to get ready for bed. You'd be wise to give yourself a period of adjustment, though; trying to switch from snail-slow to laser-fast in the blink of an eye would be rough on your system. Accelerate slowly.

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