Hey, Faggot: I'm not sexually experienced, but I am totally in love with my new man and I want to please him in every way possible and drive him wild with desire. I want to blindfold him and tie his hands, maybe even handcuff him. But then what? We are not into pain. I feel so dumb! Besides honey and all of that good stuff to lick off him, what else is there? What can I do to drive him crazy? He's excited that I want to tie his hands and blindfold him, so, I want to make this good. But this is not going to happen till I get some ideas.
SQ
Hey, SQ: For some ideas on tying up straight boys -- not that I don't have ideas of my own -- I shared your letter with Mistress Matisse, who has a bit more experience ropin' straight boys than I do.
"If she wants to do a sexy femme top scene with no pain, I would suggest sensory deprivation combined with a lot of suspense and mindfucks." Now, without S/M jargon: "Get dressed in sexy lingerie or something fetishy. Tie him up, blindfold him, and gag him." Get real leather restraints if you can afford them. Handcuffs hurt, and badly done rope bondage can lead to burns, pinched nerves, and amputated limbs. Restraints buckle on like belts, are practically foolproof, and are easier to remove if the boyfriend freaks.
Once he's bound, Mistress Matisse believes that if you can't beat him, scare him: "Start talking to him about all the things you could do. My rap goes like this: 'You know baby, there are a lot of things you don't know about me. It's sooo sexy having you all tied up and helpless -- I could do anything I want to you, and you can't stop me.' Say this slow and thoughtful, like you're considering some very evil shit. Then tell him you're going to leave him there alone while you go get some 'things.' Walk to the bedroom door, open it and close it, but don't really leave the room (never actually leave anyone alone tied up). Stand very quietly and watch him. Is he struggling? Is his dick hard? Wait a minute, then quietly approach him and whisper in his ear, 'Are you thinking about me?' But don't get too close -- if he jumps you'll bang heads.
"Alternate different sensations on his body, like a feather, your fingernails, and your mouth. I don't recommend the honey thing -- looks good in movies, not all that exciting in real life." I agree: Licking gooey crap off people is vastly overrated faux-naughtiness, boring breeder kink. "You can take things a little further on the sensation scale: Get a utility candle (white, no fragrance) and try dripping it on different parts of your body until you get a feel for it. Dripping warm wax on his skin and following it with a trail of ice can give quite the endorphin buzz."
You might also consider bringing in a professional consultant. Pro doms don't generally make house calls, but most will do couples in their own spaces, and would happily show you the ropes. "She would get to see someone experienced in action, someone who could show her a few tricks," says Mistress Matisse. "And she would get to see the attitude, which is the most important thing."
Hey, Faggot: I've become involved with one of the nicest and sexiest people around. So, what's the bad news? This person's introduction to sex at a very early age (child abuse) was coupled with violence and degrading talk (thanks to some really fucked-up family members), so you can probably guess what this person wants me to do during our sexual encounters.
I have a stressful job, and my own personal problems. The only things I'm looking for from a partner are love, affection, and comfort, which I will give in return. I don't want to call my partner anything but cute little pet names -- not bitch or motherfucker. I want to hold my partner lovingly in my arms, not beat the living daylights out of him. So, what do I do? I have nothing against S/M, I'm just not into it. My partner says that he can enjoy sex with me without the violence and degradation, but I always think I see a look of less than total satisfaction when we finish having sex. Does he need counseling? Do I need to enroll in an S/M 101 class? Or should we go our separate ways?
Not Into It
Hey, NII: "What this person's lover wants doesn't sound like violence and degradation to me, it sounds like S/M," says Mistress Matisse. "Liking S/M, no matter what kind of childhood one had, does not equal 'needing therapy.' You say this person is willing and capable of having the kind of sex you like -- why aren't you willing to give 'the nicest and sexiest person around' equal time in the sack? Let go of your judgments around your partner's sexual desires, or let go of him."
