Take BART, Please

HY: They should drive up in their Rolls-Royces to the subway, get out of the Rolls-Royces, and get on the subway.

Can we say goodbye now?
SFW: Certainly, but can I just ask you this? The government has agreed to pay $1.2 billion to extend BART to the San Francisco International Airport. Do you think this is a good use of taxpayer money?

HY: Yes, if you've got to get a ride to the airport, there should be a train. Park the car at working time, take your trip, then come home and take the car. They should have a regular train that goes there, and when they come home from work, they can get the car again.

Can we say goodbye now?
SFW: Well, I wanted to ask you about the new squeaky Breda trolleys that the city is buying despite user complaints. One business said that the high-pitched noise from these trolleys caused a window to break. Do you think city officials are arrogant to continue buying these things in the face of these problems?

HY: I don't know. Can we say goodbye now?
SFW: Umm. Well, could you tell us a little bit about the shows you're going to be doing in San Francisco this week?

HY: I'm going to do eight shows. I'm going out to collect a little money. My son is coming with his children. Friends are coming to see me. That's the satisfaction I get. Friends who travel to come and see me. I outlive my friends, you know. At my age, I don't have any enemies. I've outlived them.

Do you know why I like living in California? You get your pay three hours earlier.

I was staying at a hotel in San Francisco. I went to my drawer to get some underwear and found Tony Bennett's heart.

I was in San Francisco making love to my wife and the earthquake woke her up.

Henny Youngman will be in San Francisco this week, headlining at the fifth annual Evening of Kung Pao Kosher Comedy at the New Asia Restaurant Dec. 24-26. Call 522-3737.