House of Tudor

The French shapeshifter Arthur H. sings in his native tongue on Trouble Fete, so I can only speculate about the story lines: Jean-Paul Belmondo slips through an alley, a filterless cigarette jutting from his nihilistic pout. Bricks glisten between piles of garbage. Steam rises off the street. Belmondo's gun barrel glints as he shoves it in his pants. A dewy-eyed girl with clicking heels leads him down a flight of stairs into an underground bar where Arthur H. is bent over his piano. A smoky beat combo fills in between Arthur H.'s raspy Serge Gainsbourg whisper. He tells a tale. It's suspenseful, erotic, and filled with gritty authenticity. We know Belmondo is doomed. We know the dewy-eyed girl is doomed. We don't care. Arthur H. performs at Cafe Du Nord on Wednesday, April 29, at 10 p.m. Tickets are $7; call 861-5016.

Lock up your daughters! San Francisco is expecting a royal visit from Mo B. Dick, the undisputed king of the "House of Dick" and the host of "Club Casanova" -- the weekly drag king extravaganza in New York City that led John Waters to admit, "Drag kings these days look sexy enough that I want to sleep with them, and that alarms me." Looking like Johnny Suede as seen through the lens of Pedro Almodovar, Mo B. Dick is all that and a bag of chips. Last year he treated San Francisco to a re-enactment of William Friedkin's Cruising with a rambunctious cast of local drag kings. This year he is joined by fellow Casanova kings Lucky 7 (polyester biker babe named "Drag King 1997"), Dred (Shaft-style soul brother named "King of Manhattan 1996"), and Bob (Dick's ultrahip fiance named "the person to watch in '98" by TimeOut NY). Treat yourself to a little East Village sleaze "Where Everyone Is Treated Like a King" at Josie's Cabaret on Wednesday and Thursday, April 29 and 30, at 8 p.m. Tickets are $10; call 861-7933. The Casanova kings are also appearing in the DNA VIP room Thursday night for "Throne" -- a variety show with Lu Reed and other local kings -- at 11 p.m. Tickets are $5; call 331-9595, ext. 300.

Pink Martini may be as good an argument against Esperanto as any. Chanteuse China Forbes sails through soundtrack numbers from every possible era, singing in English, French, Japanese, and Greek while the 13-piece band, led by concert pianist Thomas Lauderdale, nimbly excavates each country's musical heritage. The rich synergy shatters all language barriers. Pink Martini perform at Cafe Du Nord on Saturday, May 2, at 8 p.m. Tickets are $7; call 861-5016.

If greased biceps and rippling pecs are your idea of eye candy, the Tribestan Pro-Invitational is your See's. With over 30 men from 12 countries, there should be enough beefcake to satisfy even the most gluttonous voyeur. An added bonus: Tribestan is a hot new all-natural bodybuilding product made from Tribulus terrestris, or puncture weed, which is used by practitioners of European folk medicine to increase the sex drive and prolong erections -- nudge nudge, wink wink. Stop lurking outside World Gym and head over to the Maritime Hall on Saturday, May 2, where judging is held at 2 p.m. for $25-35 and finals are held at 8 p.m. for $45-65; call (800) 290-5112.

Lecherous, vulgar, and just a little bit scary, the Cosmic Psychos are the closest thing to Motsrhead Australia is ever likely to produce. For the last 15 years these burly Aussies have been living hard and rocking harder, gaining in the process a devout following of aggressive, beer-swilling miscreants who live and die by past Psychos masterpieces like "Shot the Cat," "The Man Who Drank Too Much," and "Blokes You Can Trust." The Psychos' latest release on AmRep, Oh What a Lovely Pie, has no shortage of darlings -- "Guns Away," "Chainsaw," "Satan's Undies" -- but "Can't Keep a Good Man Down" is a piss-stained anthem worthy of a 10-shotgun salute. Show up only if you're prepared to booze and kill cats, or someone will have to kick your pantywaist ass at the Bottom of the Hill on Saturday, May 2, with Alley Boys and Rule 62 opening at 10 p.m. Tickets are $7; call 626-4455.

The Jim Campilongo Band celebrate the release of their first CD, The Grass Is Greener. Don't come expecting the knee-slappin' cowboy-jazz stylings of Campilongo's 10 Gallon Cats. The JCB perform unique instrumental pop songs that are as bittersweet as an old passport photo, and heavily influenced by the presence of Rob Burger's organ. While Campilongo's guitar drifts along island breezes, Burger's Hammond B-3 and accordion treat us to sidewalk cafes and an evening under the Big Top. Chris Kee plays bass and Jason Lewis drums. They will bring a tear to your eye, even while you laugh the night away at Bruno's on Monday, May 4 (and every following Monday in the month of May), at 9:30 and 11:30 p.m. Tickets are $3; call 550-7455.

-- Silke Tudor

 
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Concert Calendar

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