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REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World 

Wednesday, Jul 8 1998
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Aries (March 21-April 19): There's nothing like a big family gathering to make you feel like a powerless, neurotic child again. Old sibling rivalries break out; Mom and Dad effortlessly resurrect their skill at turning you invisible; and every little exchange becomes a desperate struggle to be true to yourself. I'm invoking this scenario, Aries, to prepare you for the fact that the people you grew up with will soon be swarming all over your aura -- even if you don't actually get together with them. Fortunately, the cosmos has chosen this moment to help you begin to cancel the curses that any of your loved ones may have cast on you -- even the inadvertent ones.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): I have evaluated the astrological omens to determine what tasks the cosmos is most likely to help you master in the coming weeks. Here are my conclusions: 1) learning to distinguish between your iffy hunches and your foolproof intuitions; 2) smelling the difference between refried rumors and inside dope that's fresh and hot; 3) making sure you always know whether what you're looking at is really there or is merely a projection of your own expectations.

Gemini (May 21-June 20): My alchemy teacher loves to remind me that the most effective way to cook up enlightenment is not to turn up the heat all the way in erratic bursts of enthusiasm, but rather to simmer long and slow and steady. I believe this is a potent principle for many other projects, from eliminating a bad habit to bringing more love into your life. And judging from your current astrological aspects, Gemini, this would be an excellent time to increase your mastery of the steadily simmering approach.

Cancer (June 21-July 22): Why am I just giving in and letting the full moon rock and roll my emotions? I blame it on the Cancerian part of my personal chart -- you know, the part of me that loves to go with the flow, even if the flow is a mile-high tsunami. Fortunately for me (and for you if you're in the same boat), this is one of those times when wild rides are likely to have pretty snappy endings. I predict that the delirium we're inviting into our lives will unleash a flood tide of the splashy creativity our sign is famous for.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): It'll be a good week to kiss the feet of helpers, to perform an act of kindness for someone who can't repay you, and to return to the fork in the road where you made a wrong turn awhile back. It won't be such a great time to forge an alliance with barbarians, or gorge yourself to excess, or be so open-minded that your brains fall out. Emphasize reverence and gratitude and curiosity in the coming days, Leo. Avoid casual commitments, reckless promises, and the devil's boiling cauldron.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The biggest celebration in recorded history is still 539 days away. But there's no reason you should save all your best bacchanalian moves for New Year's Eve 1999. You see, Virgo, the cosmos is even now whipping up the most ferociously festive conditions you've experienced in many moons. From an astrological perspective, this week will provide you with all the yayas you'll need in order to party as if it were already the night the millennium ends.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The dangers of excessive politeness are best exemplified in the medieval legend of Percivale, Arthur's purest knight. His quest for the Holy Grail leads him to the castle of a wounded king, where he sees a mysterious and beautiful bowl. He's dying to know more about this artifact, but he holds his tongue. His training as a knight has taught him that it's rude to express excessive curiosity. As a result, he doesn't ask the key question that would heal the king. The next morning, he wakes up to find the castle empty, and leaves having missed a fabulous opportunity. I'm telling you this tale, Libra, so that you might avoid the same fate. Be a well-mannered diplomat the other 51 weeks of the year, but not this one.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Have you ever read the tabloid Weekly World News? If I were a writer for that rag, I would eagerly seize upon some of your recent adventures, blow them slightly out of proportion, and concoct a slew of tall tales. "Explorer Sues Over Faulty Flying Carpet" might be the headline of my first piece about you. "Interspecies Love: The Scorpion and the Eagle" could be another. Then there'd be "Horny Bigfoot Steers Ghost Ship Into Port," "New Sex-in-the-Garden Exercise Program," "Bubble Bath Leads to Religious Conversion," and, finally, "Reformed Evil Genius Says 'Rub My Belly for Good Luck.' "

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): From what I can tell, the cosmos has decreed that your Official Metaphor for the rest of 1998 will be fire in the earth. To honor this poetic challenge, I suggest you bring your flamelike lucidity to bear on densely materialistic issues. Here are some questions to guide your work: 1) What can you truly claim as your own? 2) What do you mistakenly believe belongs to you? 3) Which possessions and attachments make you feel shiny and bright, and which smother and chill you? 4) Is there such a thing as an inner status symbol, and if so, how do you acquire it? 5) Can you infuse the dark places with your light without getting tainted by the murk and the gloom?

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I'm looking at my copy of "The Goddess of the Zodiac," an astrological calendar put out by SageWoman magazine. Its entry for July 12, 1998, notes the following: "Chiron went direct in Scorpio yesterday and Juno entered Libra: the next few months are an auspicious time for healing sexual wounds in committed relationships." (Juno is an asteroid that rules partnerships; Chiron is an odd comet between Saturn and Uranus that stimulates radical healing.) I agree with the calendar's assessment, and would add that this effect will be especially vivid for you Capricorns. Why? Because Mars (planet of animal energy) will be carrying on a highly animated dialogue with Venus (planet of irresistible attraction) in your Houses of Intimacy.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As you threaten to break all previous records for interesting fumbles and stumbles, the pop psychologist in me wants to cheer you on with one of my favorite T-shirt quotes: "How can you learn from your mistakes unless you make a lot of really good ones?" Meanwhile, the sensitive dreamer in me wants to pump you up with a more lyrical quote from the poet Antonio Machado (translated by Robert Bly): "I dreamt .../ that I had a beehive/ here inside my heart./ And the golden bees/ were making white combs/ and sweet honey/ from all my old failures."

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): At the risk of losing the "power" you get from being depressed, please write down descriptions of the five most pleasurable moments you've ever experienced. Then, during the coming week, keep these blissful memories close to the surface of your awareness. If you catch yourself slipping into a negative train of thought, interrupt it immediately and compel yourself to fantasize about those Big Five Ecstatic Epiphanies. I guarantee that if you do this, you'll stimulate or attract a new Ecstatic Epiphany that'll belong near the top of the list.

About The Author

Rob Brezsny

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Slideshows

  • Nevada City and the South Yuba River: A gold country getaway

    Nestled in the green pine-covered hills of the Northern Sierra Nevada is the Gold Rush town of Nevada City. Beautiful Victorian houses line the streets, keeping the old-time charm alive, and a vibrant downtown is home to world-class art, theater and music. The nearby South Yuba River State Park is known for its emerald swimming holes during the summer and radiant leaf colors during autumn. These days the gold panning is more for tourists than prospectors, but the gold miner spirit is still in the air.

    South Yuba River State Park and Swimming Holes:
    The park runs along and below 20 miles of the South Yuba River, offering hiking, mountain biking, gold panning and swimming. The Highway 49 bridge swimming hole is seven-miles northwest of Nevada City where Highway 49 crosses the South Yuba River. Parking is readily available and it is a short, steep hike to a stunning swimming hole beneath a footbridge. For the more intrepid, trails extend along the river with access to secluded swim spots. The Bridgeport swimming hole has calm waters and a sandy beach -- good for families and cookouts -- and is located 14 miles northwest of Nevada City. Be sure to write down directions before heading out, GPS may not be available. Most swimming holes on the South Yuba River are best from July to September, while winter and spring can bring dangerous rapids. Always know the current before jumping in!

    Downtown Nevada City
    The welcoming, walkable downtown of Nevada City is laid back, yet full of life. Start your day at the cozy South Pine Cafe (110 S Pine St.) with a lobster benedict or a spicy Jamaican tofu scramble. Then stroll the streets and stop into the shop Kitkitdizzi (423 Broad St.) for handcrafted goods unique to the region, vintage wears and local art “all with California gold rush swagger,” as stated by owners Carrie Hawthorne and Kira Westly. Surrounded by Gold Rush history, modern gold jewelry is made from locally found nuggets and is found at Utopian Stone Custom Jewelers (301 Broad St.). For a coffee shop with Victorian charm try The Curly Wolf (217 Broad St.), an espresso house and music venue with German pastries and light fare. A perfect way to cool down during the hot summer months can be found at Treats (110 York St.) , an artisan ice cream shop with flavors like pear ginger sorbet or vegan chai coconut. Nightlife is aplenty with music halls, alehouses or dive bars like the Mine Shaft Saloon (222 Broad St.).

    The Willo Steakhouse (16898 State Hwy 49, Nevada City)
    Along Highway 49, just west of Nevada City, is The Willo, a classic roadhouse and bar where you’re welcomed by the smell of steak and a dining room full of locals. In 1947 a Quonset hut (a semi-cylindrical building) was purchased from the US Army and transported to its current location, and opened as a bar, which became popular with lumberjacks and miners. The bar was passed down through the decades and a covered structure was added to enlarge the bar and create a dining area. The original Quonset beams are still visible in the bar and current owners Mike Byrne and Nancy Wilson keep the roadhouse tradition going with carefully aged New York steaks and house made ingredients. Pair your steak or fish with a local wine, such as the Rough and Ready Red, or bring your own for a small corkage fee. Check the website for specials, such as rib-eye on Fridays.

    Outside Inn (575 E Broad St.)
    A 16-room motel a short walk from downtown, each room features a unique décor, such as the Paddlers’ Suite or the Wildflower Room. A friendly staff and an office full of information about local trails, swimming and biking gets you started on your outdoor exploration. Amenities include an outdoor shower, a summer swimming pool and picnic tables and barbeques. Don’t miss the free vegetable cart just outside the motel in the mornings.

    Written and photographed by Beth LaBerge for the SF Weekly.

  • Arcade Fire at Shoreline
    Arcade Fire opened their US tour at Shoreline Amphitheater to a full house who was there in support of their album "Reflector," which was released last fall. Dan Deacon opened the show to a happily surprised early audience and got the crowd actively dancing and warmed up. DEVO was originally on the bill to support Arcade Fire but a kayak accident last week had sidelined lead singer Mark Mothersbaugh and the duration of the west coast leg of the tour. Win Butler did a homage to DEVO by performing Uncontrollable Urge.

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