Dog Bites

Nevertheless, after we had told many people of our upcoming national exposure -- complete with a promised "photography team" -- the Cosmo free-lancer left us a message on our voice mail saying that "for a whole bunch of reasons" she had decided to go with someone else. (At press time, we could not confirm rumors that it's the Guardian's Tim Redmond.)

So we've been walking around with that kind of hollow, just-been-dumped, what-did-I-do feeling for days now. And not even a new lipstick (note to Carroll: That was a clue) helped.

Sex Tips for Modern Girls
Our own Dan Savage is running a Savage Love trivia contest whose questions may cause even the brazen to blush, but we found a sex tip in Angel Animals -- the newsletter that shows readers how to "Create a Better Life for Yourself With the Spiritual Lessons Animals Teach Us" -- that goes well beyond blushing territory and into the land of eeew.

As a disclaimer, let us preface this anecdote by saying that most stories in the newsletter are quite tame -- "A Rabbit Helped Me Take My Next Spiritual Step," for example -- but there's always someone who has to tell you more, much more, than you want to know. This time it's Tara Katrena in Marysville, who writes that she was having trouble conceiving:

"Then I got the idea to watch Trish" -- note: Trish is a cat, OK? -- "when she and her feline husband, Alex, mated.

"After doing the deed, Trish would walk away from Alex, lay on her back, extend her feet into the air, and roll back and forth for several minutes. ... Trish's technique never failed to produce many litters of show-quality kittens.

"So one night, my temperature had risen and I was ovulating. After my husband and I completed the act, I grabbed my feet, held them and my backside up in the air and rocked for several minutes, imitating Trish's actions.

"Well, believe it or not, this is how I conceived my son Justice, now sixteen ...."

No word on whether Justice has ever been voted best of breed.

As told to Laurel Wellman

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail

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