Dog Bites

Of course, this is the kind of thing that makes us want to say, "Hey, if writing a column every week is so easy, why don't you do it?"

So we're going to let John help out. Specifically, John has been wanting us to make fun of Chron columnist Ken Garcia -- "That stiff-necked asswipe really chaps my hide!" -- and, when we didn't adopt his suggestion immediately, jumped in there himself with summaries of recent Garcia columns:

"Thursday: I am God! I am moral. There's a judge with the same last name as me, and he's great!

"Yesterday: The homeless shouldn't get free shopping carts, and Safeway shouldn't get tax breaks for giving them carts. It just isn't right."

As a Dog Bites contractor, John is entitled to be disgruntled, especially about stuff he reads in the Chron, and to send us e-mails detailing his disgruntlement, which we may or may not publish. However, he does not get to use the SF Weekly bathrooms, which are for staff only.

As told to Laurel Wellman

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail

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