REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I've come up with five metaphors that capture what I believe will be your life's essential qualities in 1999: 1) a 300-year-old vase filled with fresh lilies; 2) a post-menopausal woman who surprises herself by falling in love like a teenager; 3) a claustrophobic, torch-lit tunnel that leads to a sparkling health spa; 4) a five-year-old child holding a Stradivarius, preparing for a first violin lesson; 5) immigrants studying to master the entrance requirements of their new country.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I'm a great admirer of the role the jester played in the royal courts of medieval Europe. They had license to speak the innocent truth about the bombastic or deluded behavior of important people. I also love the tradition of the ombudsman, a person who receives and investigates complaints about powerful institutions. A good modern example is Bill Kovach, whose job it is to monitor the accuracy and objectivity of the magazine Brill's Content. What does all this have to do with you? I highly recommend that you get your very own jester-cum-ombudsman. You'll have a million fresh ideas in 1999, but only about 30 percent of them will be really great fresh ideas.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): A Chinese proverb says, "If a man has no nickname, he never grows rich." I have reason to believe this curious formulation will soon apply to you, Pisces. While 1999 will be prime time to lay the groundwork for greater wealth, I suspect you'll have the best possible luck in that effort if you'll make some playful tweak in your identity -- like by adding a whimsical new moniker, for instance. How about Rumbler or Flux or Splashy or Hooch or Lynx