Leftovers

No. 2 Pencils Only, Please
SF Weekly has learned that the city -- which, of course, is already responsible for licensing restaurants -- is secretly considering instituting licensing requirements for diners. The idea, it seems, is to bar the clueless from restaurants. (Those who flunk will still be allowed to call Dine One One.)

But is the government going too far? Sources inside City Hall slipped us an early draft of the proposed test, and in a Weekly exclusive, we reprint a portion of it here.

DIRECTIONS: Following is the mathematics section of the test. Calculate the correct answer for questions 1 through 9. Do not use calculators or slide rules. You may use scratch paper. Do not talk to your neighbors during the test. You may not get up during the test period. You have 10 minutes to complete this section. Begin now.

1) The tables at Cafe Wildwood measure 20 by 20 inches. Tapas plates are 6 inches in diameter. If Ricky and Carlos each have one 2.5-inch-diameter pint of Pilsner Urquell, and there's a 4-inch-diameter dish of aioli on the table, how many dishes can they order to maximally cover their table? Stacking plates is not allowed, and busing just doesn't happen at Cafe Wildwood.

2) Chef Rico shaves one half-ounce truffle into every 10 pounds of truffled mashed potatoes. If an order of potatoes costs $8 for a quarter-pound, and he makes an 80 percent profit on each order, how much must he be buying truffles for? (Assume that potatoes and other overhead costs are negligible.)

3) Glazed doughnuts cost 50 cents each; filled ones cost 65 cents each. You have $7.50 with which to buy a dozen. What's the maximum number of filled doughnuts your mixed dozen can include?

4) Your waiter Gary isn't paying attention. He gets one out of every four dishes wrong, and you decide to decrease his final tip by $2 for every mistake. The bill is $250 for 12 dishes. From a base line tip of 20 percent, what does Gary get?

5) For their first date, Sarah takes Stef to Jardiniere. They both drink at a steady rate. Each hour, Sarah has six glasses of wine and Stef has four. Whenever one of them empties a glass a passing waiter fills it; if both glasses are empty, he fills both. The same person never stops at their table twice. How many different waiters have poured wine at their table after two hours?

6) A round pizza is 18 inches in diameter. Each of your 10 guests wants to eat 100 square inches of pizza. How many pizzas do you need to order?

7) Tim, Andrew, and Trent go out for drinks. They each have beer, scotch, and martinis. Each guy has a different number of each type of drink, and nobody has more than three of any one drink. Tim drinks more beers but fewer scotches than Trent. Both Trent and Tim have more than one martini. The guy who drinks two martinis has three scotches. How many of each type of drink does each guy wind up drinking?

8) La Melange is a fusion restaurant: 40 percent French, 30 percent Thai, 10 percent Indian, 10 percent Italian, and 10 percent Middle Eastern. If the flavors are fairly distributed, how much ricotta cheese will each 6-ounce spring roll contain?

9) You are supposed to meet Dean and Dana at Beauty Bar at 10, but they'll be late, so really you have until 10:10. You have reservations at Slanted Door at 9:30. If you go there now, at 8:30, and wait, they can seat you 10 minutes early. Or you could go to Ti Couz, where there's no wait, but Laurence refuses to eat there, so he'll just get a burrito and go home. Or you could all get burritos, but Alice's fiance is a little phobic about the Mission, so if you don't go to a fairly upscale restaurant he'll get food to go, probably from Slanted Door, eat in the car, and be unbearable for the rest of the night. Nobody wants Italian. You could go to Tandoor-E-Taj, which is really delicious and will make everybody happy, but you won't get out of there before 10:20. There's a 40 percent chance that McCarthy's is serving food tonight. What's the best option for making everyone happy? Any other ideas?

By Paul Adams