Savage Love

I'm no novice when it comes to cunnilingus and I've spent many happy hours licking the honey pot. But I had a flu shot that day, and combined with all the drinking, I think it tipped the tongue, if you know what I mean. Problem is, now she won't speak to me. I really like her! She's a nice person! I tried to explain, but she doesn't want to hear about it. Should I accept my loss, or can you think of a way I might be able to bring her around?

Winnipeg Loser

Hey, WL: Having spent two days in my bathroom throwing up, I can say with some authority that a person about to puke realizes it a few crucial moments before the vomiting commences. Most of us realize it in time to, oh, get off the couch or out of bed, stumble down the hall, and stick our heads in the toilette. Your former girlfriend has probably thrown up on one or two occasions, and she's aware of the time that yawns between realization and reality. If she resents you for anything, it's not for the flu shot or the drinking or even the puking. No, she's angry that you didn't use the time between realization and reality to get out of bed and run to the bathroom. At the very least, you could have turned your head and thrown up on her leg or off the side of her bed. Anywhere but all over her puss.

Accept your loss. You've let her know you're sorry, but considering what happened the last time she let you bury your face in her crotch, her associations with you may be so negative that there's simply no way she'll ever overcome them.

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