Night Crawler

Then, it gets a bit tougher: Name the first place you made love. ("In my ex-girlfriend's bed." "In my best friend's bed, but he's here and doesn't know.") What would he prefer her to wear for a romantic night at home: something lacy, leather and PVC, a polyester leisure suit, or a smile? ("Smile, or no, bending over.") What would he prefer to lick off her body: cream, chocolate, maple syrup, or Guinness? (Three women and four men choose Guinness.) He's putting on weight; is he more to love, a "fat bastard," or ready for sexercise? (Sadly, there is only one "fat bastard.") And lastly, what do you do if you're hot and bothered in an elevator: push the stop button, have a quickie, a blow job, or a wank. (Five matching quickies, one button, and one quickie/blow job split.)

As at Entros, it isn't until the bonus rounds that things get a little out of hand. First round, the men put bags over their heads and try to choose their sweethearts by touching only noses. (Only one man stops at his woman's nose without fondling all of them at least once; the rest receive stern looks and a few colorful admonishments.) Second round, five pints later, the women are bagged and asked to choose their men by fondling only bottoms. (Only one woman stops right at her bottom; the rest -- including a couple of attempts by non-contestants wearing bags -- take their time and many trips down the line. This causes stern looks and one man to drop his pants.) Surprisingly, no one gets hurt and everyone gets a gift from Romantasy. Sean McCosh and Nancy Lin (of the recognizable body parts) take second place with a gift certificate for Good Vibrations a couple come in first, reminding us of an Oscar Wilde quote: "One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry."

Send comments, quips, and tips to crawler@sfweekly.com.

By Silke Tudor

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