Dog Bites

Now, looking back, we should have realized that a line of books designed to be sold in chichi gift stores next to galvanized buckets full of those soap bars that contain miniature rubber ducks would, sooner rather than later, become completely parody-proof.

"Hah! You are oh so clever," writes Steve Gere, who invites us to send a new SUV to his address in Bernal Heights. And Julie Coburn also recognized the titles. But both were beaten by Ann Marie Davis of Oakland, who got her entry in first thing Wednesday morning, noting, "I bet they're all real books, sadly."

Anyway, better luck next time. And there will be a next time, because Dog Bites has been promised some help from an inside source -- whose identity we will protect for now -- who writes:

"Humbly, a few of us editors here at Chronicle think that we are probably best qualified to contribute the forged titles. We'll be submitting a more complete list soon, but be assured that Dog Bites readers will be thrown off by Fuzzy Treasures: Lint Topiary From Pre-Bolshevik Russia, and more titles to come."

As told to Laurel Wellman

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail

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