REAL ASTROLOGY For an Unreal World

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): If you're a hermit living in a cave, this would be a good week to hike down to civilization and bring a battery-operated TV back to your sanctuary. If you're a high-powered CEO who eats your competitors for breakfast, this is a perfect moment to visit a dominatrix and find out what it's like to be on the receiving end. If you're an average, superorganized Capricorn overachiever, the cosmos is inviting you to make a leisurely exploration of the most emotionally rich chaos you can scare up.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Did you really believe that sooner or later you'd get your loved ones "trained," Aquarius? Have you been under the chronic illusion that you could change the qualities in them that you didn't like so much, while keeping the good parts? If so, be grateful for this week's medicine. It may be bitter going down, but it'll feel sweet in your soft underbelly. When the cure kicks in, you'll find yourself acting twice as smart in the intimate clinches.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): I love your pilgrim soul, Pisces, and your ever-deepening eyes. I love the lost treasure languishing undiscovered in the off-limits area of your psyche. I love how the old gods still swim through your blood and call to you in lyrical shrieks that no one else could possibly tune into. I love every last one of your never-ending series of stunning spiritual conversions, and I love how you're like the chrysanthemum, which needs long hours of darkness to bloom. This week, though, what I love most is the fact that your heart is as strong as a fist and as welcoming as a warm bath, and thus will conquer every obstacle with the fiercest tenderness you have ever invoked.