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I'm 38 years old and my wife is 39. Both white, healthy, and happy.
I've had this particular fantasy for close to 20 years now, but only revealed it to my wife four years ago. I want my wife to be with me and another guy. This fantasy seems to be of interest to her: It's one of her favorite story lines in those letters to Penthouse, and she gets off on talking about it when we're having sex, but she shrugs it off whenever I mention actually doing it.

I'm wondering how best to address this. Is it safety requirements she's worried about?

Wanna Make It Happen

If your wife enjoys those fabricated letters to Penthouse, and she enjoys fantasizing about three-ways, then one of two things is going on: 1) She's humoring you in the hopes that indulging you in this manner will satisfy your urge for a three-way; or, 2) She's thoroughly aroused by the idea, but some fear is holding her back. Sit the wife down and say, "Look, I've wanted to have this three-way for 20 years, and neither of us is gettin' any younger. For my sanity, I really need this three-way to happen. Honey, what's the hang-up here?"

My prediction: She'll tell you she's into the fantasy but fears repercussions. Maybe she's worried you won't be able to handle actually seeing her get fucked by another guy, or it could be that she has no desire to be fucked by someone else. If you can agree on some limits as to what will go on the first time you do this, maybe she'll be more amenable to making your fantasies a reality.

Speaking of safety requirements, Sex Panic!, a gay group in New York City, has been having fits about a lack of condoms in gay bars. Back in the salad days of the AIDS crisis, NYC's Health Department distributed condoms to gay bars to remind gay men to be safe. As a result of budget cuts, this program has been scaled back, and this is a Very Bad Thing, according to Sex Panic! Reading about this twee controversy, it occurred to me that I've never walked into a straight club and seen a bowl of birth control pills set out on the bar, at public expense, to remind straight people to use protection. If a straight person is old enough to drink, the assumption is made that he's old enough to look after himself. While it made sense in the early days of AIDS to pelt gay men with condoms, it makes much less sense now that gay men know better. Gay men interested in maintaining their sexual health aren't going to do something reckless just because there aren't free condoms in gay bars; gay men who aren't interested in maintaining their sexual health will behave recklessly no matter how many free condoms they have to wade through to get a drink.

My wife and I read your column in the Georgia Straight in Vancouver, B.C. I'm a "breeder boy" still happily in love with my "breeder chick" after 10 years of marriage. But for the past couple of months, I have been having homosexual fantasies. For a guy who's always considered himself 95 percent straight, this has caused me a bit of confusion, to say the least. My wife and I have friends that are gay and we can be seen down at the 'Duff on the occasional Friday night. My motto has always been "Live and Let Live."

I know that I am heterosexual. I have always been turned on by women. So why am I having these fantasies? Is it because I'm 39 and having a midlife crisis? I've kept this strictly to myself, not even telling my wife or my gay friends. I work in a manual labor-type job and my workmates wouldn't understand. Should I say what's on my mind? Or should I slowly try to incorporate some different positions into my sex life with the wife, hoping that she won't notice?

British Columbia Breeder Boy

If what you want is to fuck a guy once in your live-and-let-live life, no amount of drilling the wife's ass is going to scratch that itch. Why are you having these fantasies now? It could be a midlife crisis, or it could be that straight male sexuality is finally exiting the dark ages. More and more 95 percent straight guys are realizing they can act on that other 5 percent without having to identify as gay or bi. Straight-identified women have long been able to eat a little pussy without identifying as lesbians; most gay men can have sex with women once or twice without worrying about turning straight. Well, it's possible to be a straight guy and suck a little cock once in your life without having to be either confused or gay. It's a brave new world, BCBB.

Should you tell the wife? Sure, why not? Maybe you could suggest a three-way with one of your friends from the 'Duff. She might enjoy watching you suck some big gay cock -- but you'll never know until you tell her. Actually, you may not have to tell her. Since you both read the Georgia Straight, and there's a lot of identifying information in your letter, she'll figure out her husband wants some big gay cock just as soon as she picks up this week's paper.