Dog Bites

The above columnizing at an end, Dog Bites feels it is necessary to conclude on a lighter note, something usually best accomplished by quoting reader mail at length. But first, a special aside to Mallory Keaton: Please send us another copy of your recent letter, because someone accidentally threw it out, which meant we had to write pretty much this entire column ourselves, so we could use next week off.

And yes, we do know the whole car rental purchase-a-tank-of-gas thing is a scam. A number of people have written in to describe how this works, and for anyone who doesn't know we'll let Kari Sagen explain:

I was in Canada last week, and rented a car in Toronto (from Thrifty). They offered me the same deal: buy gas from them instead of at a gas station. Their deal was $.58/litre (Canadian), instead of the whopping $.61/litre at "outside" stations. Sheesh. Needless to say, sucker that I am, I bought it. And returned the car half full. Oh well. At least I got to drive around a place where everyone obeys the road rules, like they were actually the law. Imagine!

On a further fuel-consumption note, reader Kevin McFarren corrects our blithe assertion that the new Cadillac SUV gets 14 miles to the gallon:

Dog Bites, ever the optimist, even in sarcasm! No wonder the Bay Area adores you (at least those of us who count)! The vast Cadillac Escalade SUV gets a mere twelve miles to the gallon in city driving, and it is city driving that counts in one of those beauties, isn't it?

Most definitely!
Meanwhile, the pseudonymous Jack Russell writes in with several concerns (one about the "scabby knee-jerk reactions" of bicycle activists), to ask:

Is your memory dog-bitten? I distinctly remember you prattling on about Prada possibilities from one of your desperate suitors in a previous issue. Unfortunately, all of my old Weeklies are being consumed by my Terilyn Joe pinata project ....

I think Dog Bites is, perhaps, more like a maturing kitten: playful, cute, sophisticated, and ready to scratch if not taken seriously. I hope the inherent, if not implicit, sexism of the dog/cat, male/female dichotomy is duly noted.

Uh, sure. But the Prada stuff? We deny it completely.
Reader Jane Vancantfort has, perhaps, better recall -- and more commentary on the whole male/female dichotomy thing:

I was shocked to find that you don't like Prada! Don't you remember when you went to the fake anti-yuppie (or was it the fake anti-Nestor -- I can't remember) rally/demonstration and they were chanting "Prada" and you said it was the first chant you could get behind in a lifetime of demonstrations? Which reminds me -- do you want old copies of W -- they're better than the stuff Bruce sends you, and you seem to have a genuine interest. And, please forgive me, but aren't you too old to be a girl? Or is it a post-feminist rebellion thing? Don't you like the sound of, "Dog Bites is a woman" -- especially if you say it in a really sultry voice? Think how many geeks would ask you out then!

Ri-iiight.

As told to Laurel Wellman

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail dogbites@sfweekly.com.