Dog Bites

Parting Is Such Sweet ... Hey, I Said Sell at $45

Reached by phone, Gosse told Dog Bites that the usual problem at singles' events is that there are too many women. "So the women end up feeling ripped off," he admitted. "That's why we came up with the idea of having the convention in Silicon Valley, where there are a lot more single guys than women."

The money-back guarantee seems like a tough one, though. How are you going to prove that a woman didn't meet a man? "We take people at their word," said Gosse, sounding faintly offended. "If a woman can come up to me, look me in the eye, and tell me that with all the men at the event she didn't meet even one good man, we'll give her her money back. Of course, that doesn't apply to her airfare, hotel, and so on."

Yes, American Singles ("It's actually American Singles dot com," Gosse pointed out. "We have a Web site") actually believes women are going to fly in from all over the country to try to meet guys who work in Silicon Valley.

Dog Bites is really, truly appalled. How will women unschooled in the manners -- or lack thereof -- of high-tech men ever survive in the murky waters of the Silicon Valley dating scene? Well, girlfriends, allow us to offer you some pointers:

You've Got Mail, Again
Good old Bruce Brugmann. Just when all our contact with the man seemed to have dwindled to our daily sightings of his iconic disembodied head urging us to Liberate Muni -- uh, no thanks; we think the buses come off the trolley wires often enough as it is -- he sends us another of his complex mailings. This time we'll break it down by percentage of pages devoted to each topic:

So the next time you see The Head floating above you on a billboard, you'll have a pretty good idea -- give or take a few percentage points -- what it's glowering about.

Have a good week, everyone!

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 415-536-8139; fax 415-777-1839; e-mail dogbites@sfweekly.com.

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