Dog Bites

And Now, It's Time for Another Round of More San Franciscan Than You

Comments (0) By Laurel Wellman Wednesday, Sep 29 1999

...continued from page 1

Dear (Miss?) Laurel Wellman,

Are you a lesbian? I only ask because of your first name -- I had an uncle, name of Laurel. Also, you came pretty close to endorsing Lucrecia Burmúdez for mayor this week, who is definitely "that way." According to theSF Independent she's also a communist. Do you think she really is? Are you? Anyway, if you are we should get together some time. (Are a lesbian I mean.) (I don't care about your politics.)

It's reader art time! Ken comes after Dog Bites.

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Admiringly,

Miss Sophie Moric

P.S. Ken Garcia is okay, but he needs to be refinished in satin instead of semi-gloss.

Well, Sophie, we're not totally sure how your uncle's name is any sort of clue to our sexual orientation, but the answers to your questions are No, I don't know, and No. However, we agree with you on the Ken Garcia issue, though we think eggshell might be a still better choice, while allowing a degree of washability.

On a similar note, the Leisure King writes:

"I am not an 'attack leprechaun,' goddamit!! You take that back! You take that back right now! I know where you live, you bastards!!"

That's what Ken would say, if he went nuts one day and came after you with a gun. The attachment shows you what he'd look like.

Have a nice day.

Will you marry me?

Um, no. But gosh, thanks for asking.

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail dogbites@sfweekly.com.