Dog Bites

And Now, It's Time for Another Round of More San Franciscan Than You

Dear (Miss?) Laurel Wellman,

Are you a lesbian? I only ask because of your first name -- I had an uncle, name of Laurel. Also, you came pretty close to endorsing Lucrecia Burmúdez for mayor this week, who is definitely "that way." According to theSF Independent she's also a communist. Do you think she really is? Are you? Anyway, if you are we should get together some time. (Are a lesbian I mean.) (I don't care about your politics.)


It's reader art time! Ken comes after Dog Bites.
It's reader art time! Ken comes after Dog Bites.



Dog Bites
"You're Slipping, Warren"
As Told to Laurel Wellman,
October 8, 1997

"Vanishing Acts"
By John Mecklin,
April 8, 1999


Pick the Chron/Ex
columnist you think
will be the first
to receive the
Golden Handshake:

He or she will get
canned on:

My e-mail address is:

Related Stories

More About

Miss Sophie Moric

P.S. Ken Garcia is okay, but he needs to be refinished in satin instead of semi-gloss.

Well, Sophie, we're not totally sure how your uncle's name is any sort of clue to our sexual orientation, but the answers to your questions are No, I don't know, and No. However, we agree with you on the Ken Garcia issue, though we think eggshell might be a still better choice, while allowing a degree of washability.

On a similar note, the Leisure King writes:

"I am not an 'attack leprechaun,' goddamit!! You take that back! You take that back right now! I know where you live, you bastards!!"

That's what Ken would say, if he went nuts one day and came after you with a gun. The attachment shows you what he'd look like.

Have a nice day.

Will you marry me?

Um, no. But gosh, thanks for asking.

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail

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