Dog Bites

Sticks and Stones; or, A Rare Moment of Lucidity

And we did, for a while, toy with suggesting the Lysistrata-inspired tactic of organizing a mass refusal to have sex with dot-coms. Eventually, we theorized, they might notice and become discouraged. But though a couple of disgruntled girlfriends evinced brief enthusiasm for the idea, realistically, our hopes for achieving the kind of solidarity required to make this work were never high; plus, many dot-coms prefer to mate within their own species anyway.

But guess what the good news is? Our own newly surfaced dictatorial aspirations aside -- we're thinking motorcades, we're thinking Dog Bites in a furry leopard-print Borsalino -- we do, in fact, live in a democracy. The larger questions, like whether anyone but the wealthy will be able to afford to live in San Francisco in 10 or even five years' time, whether we have the public will to build a transit system that will actually allow people to leave their cars or SUVs at home, whether rent control is a good or bad thing, how much influence individual neighborhoods and tiny block clubs should have over issues that ultimately affect citywide planning, are the kinds of things we really should be fretting about, not that loud guy over there with the Land Cruiser and the cell phone.

In fact, decisions that will affect you -- yes, you, personally! -- are being made right now, if you can believe Matier and Ross' weird brain-in-a-jar picture of our civic leader: "Mayor Willie Brown is as busy as ever, maybe even busier ... his mind is reaching far and wide, weighing options and coming up with plans for everything from the 49ers stadium to a new high-rise neighborhood south of South of Market ...." Exciting, right? And we didn't even get into the stuff about how Geary might be getting a light rail line, which is such a good idea that we almost knocked our tea into our keyboard when we read it.

Oh, yawn. Dog Bites has mentioned some boring politics-type stuff. Sorry. But it's time to accept it: The dot-coms are here to stay, at least until the next recession, when a lot of non-dot-coms will be screwed too, which -- ding! --is a good enough reason not to rub your hands in anticipation of national financial implosion.

We can't promise not to mock individual dot-coms in future, as we deem necessary according to what kind of day we're having, but we do not now nor have we ever seen it as our business to run them, en masse, out of town, even if we could. Because after all, if they all left, who'd we have to kick around?

Confidential to Chronicle Books: Thanks for the invite! We'll be there!

Tip Dog Bites -- especially if you're disgruntled. Phone 536-8139; fax 777-1839; e-mail

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