Holy Captain Independence!

It's no contest: La-Z-Boy gets the first prize; Thunder Nerd, a British hero of foamy proportions with bad teeth and thick glasses, takes second; and Calamity Clit, with her gooey sidekick, Cunnilingus, third. There is villainous grumbling about a fix, but it's quickly silenced under a surge of superhero disco. The superbeings commence to getting down (except for La-Z-Boy, who must get up to bust a rug). I notice Missing Sock Man chatting up a beleaguered housewife through the water-filled washer on his head. A few villains steal off into the dark corners of Megalopolis with yielding heroes in tow. It's an age-old story: Let superheroes have a few drinks, and they'll do just about anything. Thankfully, the hangovers will be brief, and tomorrow, the city can rest comfortably knowing good and evil are again in balance.