Dog Bites

*No, Dog Bites is not going to translate this.

Eventually, he was reseated, though he claims that for the remainder of the flight the stewards made a point of glaring at him whenever they passed. "My tirade may well have set the flight attendants on edge a bit, so they reacted more harshly [to Keating's behavior]," he theorizes. Indeed, though he was witness to Keating being borne, struggling, first class-ward, he even evinces sympathy for the beleaguered activist: "I agree with his quote in the Chronicle -- the wine sucked."

Dreadful syrahs aside, we do have one clarification to make: Chron editor Trapper Byrne writes, "Hey, we never said old KK posted bail after his flight on Lost Horizon airline [as Keating claimed the paper had; Dog Bites neglected to point out this was not accurate]. We just said he was cited."

Dog Bites regrets many, many aspects of our personality.

Even Fuzzier Math

Now that we're trying to put more actual facts into our column, nobody will give us any. "Information wants to be free," we remember people saying a few years back; of course, those same people were also assuring everybody they could create a viable business model for content on the Web, so perhaps we shouldn't have been so quick to believe them. Still, it could be worse -- we could have bought stock in Salon.

But you try calling Ted Fang. All we want to know is how many staffers he's managed to hire for the Fangxaminer; after a week's worth of phone calls, we have achieved a total of one voice-mail callback from his assistant.

So we're just going to have to find out some other way -- in this case, by taking a survey. Please e-mail Dog Bites and tell us whether or not you've been hired by the Fangs. We'll total the responses, measure them against the Weekly's readership as a percentage of the Bay Area's total population, extrapolate a likely sounding number from the result, and print it in a future edition of this paper.

Watch this space!