Actually, I just couldn't torture you with an entire column of swinging-'60s, typographic-nightmare prose, even if the new Examiner does seem to be staffed, in some part, with attenuated retreads from eras past. But I did want to say it has been way weird, indeed, to contemplate not just Ted Fang with his hands on a metropolitan daily newspaper, but also John Oppedahl as the new publisher of the new, Hearst Corp.-owned San Francisco Chronicle.
Now, I want to make clear, right off the bat, that I've never met Oppedahl, and that I've had a couple of decent journalists tell me he was, at least once upon a time, a quality newsman. But these news stories the dailies keep inflicting on us about just what a tip-top job Oppedahl did as head editor and then publisher at his last posting, the Arizona Republic, are, shall we say, incomplete. I was editor of the alternative weekly Phoenix New Times from 1993 to 1997, four years when Oppedahl was the top editor and then the publisher of the Republic. I am therefore in a position to know exactly what a Chamber of Commerce-hugging, story-burying journalistic laughingstock the Republic was back then.
It's difficult to convey the vapid foulness that the Republic wafted at the public on a regular basis while I was there, because the Republic was like no other paper I've ever read. I'm not talking about bad writing, or laziness, or unquestioning reportage, although the paper exhibited all those traits, in spades. No, I'm talking about a paper whose management could be counted on, it seemed, to suppress almost any negative story about almost any major business or politician in town -- almost every time a negative story popped up, like clockwork, as if Republic editors all had Ph.D.s in anti-First Amendment activity.
The most evocative of these cover-for-the-establishment shenanigans involves a sex party, and not just any sex party, but a party hosted by Cedric Ceballos of the Phoenix Suns the same day the team had been knocked out of the NBA playoffs, a party where superstar Charles Barkley had instructed the attendees as to proper orgy deportment. As it happened, this sex party wound up being described in affecting detail in a lengthy Phoenix police report taken from a young woman who felt misused after being deposited in a bedroom with then-Suns center Oliver Miller (a large man with a talent for passing the basketball who somehow has acquired the charming professional nickname of Pig).
Now, this sex party was known in all its embarrassing details to the Republic, because the Republic had a copy of the police report, for weeks, but the Republic did not bother to inform the public, because the Republic paper had somehow decided that it was no news at all if a woman complained to police that she had been taken advantage of during a sex party arranged by professional basketball celebrities who, it seems, ought to have been mourning a bitter end to their professional season. (No charges were filed, but the official police report made clear that the woman felt both humiliated and abused in the incident, and that the police investigators were attempting to determine whether sexual assault had occurred.)
Of course, that the Phoenix Suns were damn near gods in Phoenix had nothing to do with the Republic's decision not to write about the sex party (until the paper I edited ran the story). Nothing at all.
The sex party was, to my journalistic eye, no isolated misjudgment. While I lived in Phoenix, the Republic scarcely laid a finger on Gov. Fife Symington for years as the federal government investigated, indicted, and eventually convicted him of savings and loan fraud. Then, while John Oppedahl was editor, the paper actually endorsed the governor for re-election in 1994, even though the federal criminal investigation of the governor was well known. After Symington won re-election, a Republic editor (no, not Oppedahl, but someone not all that far under him) actually told reporters to lighten up on the governor.
I could go on with example after example of what certainly seemed to be establishment-worship by a newspaper led by John Oppedahl, but given the performance of both Hearst and its last publisher in S.F., such an effort seems almost beside the point. I mean, how hard can it be to beat expectations -- to seem like Moses coming off the mountain, even -- when your predecessor, Tim "Horse Trade" White, has testified under oath that he offered to swap favorable editorial page treatment for a mayor's help with a private business transaction, then reversed himself, claiming he was out of his mind or something when he testified twice about the swap, and then took off with either a $6 million or a $10 million going-away package (depending on whose sources you believe)?
T.H.T. White and John Oppedahl entirely to the side, there is reason for limited, modified, wary optimism in regard to the new Hearst-owned Chronicle, if only because in the end, Hearst showed the good sense to make Phil Bronstein the paper's new top editor. Phil's a good guy and a real, first-rate journalist, a journalist who...who...WHO.....
......whoWHOwho rides a motorcycle and works out regularly and can, if necessary, kick John Oppedahl's butt, and who won't give one inch of slack to that JOURNALISTIC PANZER DIVISION over at the Fangxaminer(TM) and whose movie star wife....!!!! .....&&&&&.....%%%.....
God, I love the smell of newspaper war in the morning.