Dear Social Grace,
I have two questions of a bathroom nature for you. First, what do you do if you clog the toilet at someone else's house? Second, how do you handle it if you create a bad smell in the bathroom (and there's a line waiting to use the bathroom after you)?
Via the Internet
Dear Smelly Madam or Sir,
It's been a while since we've tackled bathroom behavior here -- what a relief that we've recently installed a Social Grace Column Freshener.
Now, a lot goes on in bathrooms -- everything from lipstick application to lip-syncing with a hairbrush -- but the room's primary purpose is no secret. That odors are a byproduct of certain bathroom activities should surprise no one. Some sensitive types have installed odor-fighting substances in their bathrooms, and if you fear that you've made the atmosphere unpleasant for those who'll follow you, then use any available tools (sprays, candles, matches). Even a vigorous hand-washing might help dispel unpleasant smells. But a bad odor in the bathroom is simply one of those minor, disagreeable facts of life, and it can and should pass, so to speak, without comment.
A clogged toilet can be likened to a spill: You take action to fix the problem, and if you can't fix it yourself, you locate your hosts, apologize, and ask for a plunger.
Dear Social Grace,
I recently attended an opera performance and had to squeeze past several persons to get to my seat. Is it proper to pass facing away from or facing toward the persons already seated (or standing in front of their seats to let me pass)? Neither way seems like proper decorum to me.
Sincerely,
Chris
Dear Chris,
I count myself among the great majority of people who would rather meet a stranger face-to-face than face-to- -- well, you get the picture. You should turn toward already-seated audience members as you enter your row. This way, you can look them in the eye as you quietly (or silently) apologize and excuse yourself. It'll also help you avoid stepping on toes and skirt hems.
Dear Social Grace,
I have a work colleague who recently got married. It was a very small wedding with just a few family members invited. None of the office workers were invited. However, our office is having a small reception for them this weekend and most of our co-workers were invited. I've known this person for several years, but I'm not really close to him or his new bride. Should I feel obligated to buy a gift (some people are) or is a card appropriate?
Thanks,
Jonathan
Dear Jonathan,
In the situation you describe, warm wishes are the only thing you're obligated to give the new couple. You need not buy acquaintances a gift just because they've done you the favor of marrying. A wedding gift should be heartfelt -- or at least believably seem to be.
Dear Social Grace,
Is it rude to hang up on telephone solicitors?
Sincerely,
Shorty
Dear Petite Madam or Sir,
General opinion notwithstanding, telephone solicitors are, by and large, people. Even more than that, they are people who deserve compassion: Though there must be some folks who actually enjoy receiving telephone sales calls -- otherwise, companies would have long ago given up the practice as ineffective -- I suspect that much of a telephone solicitor's workday human interaction is markedly unpleasant.
Yes, it is rude to abruptly hang up on a person; therefore, we can safely deduce that it's rude to hang up on a telephone solicitor. That said, there's no reason to put up with pushy sales tactics at inopportune times. After you've said "No, thank you," asked not to be phoned again, and said goodbye, you have ended the conversation and may replace the receiver guilt-free.
Dear Social Grace,
How do you tell a person (possibly a crazy person) who says they love you (after one date) to stop calling you?
Via the Internet
Dear Uninterested Madam or Sir,
I have much less experience with calls from the lovesick than with calls from telephone solicitors, but I'll venture that dealing with the former is at first quite similar to dealing with the latter. Remember that the caller is a person who deserves special compassion, since you have inspired a strong feeling that you cannot return.
Gently but firmly make your lack of interest clear. I suggest something like, "I'm very flattered, but I'm not interested. I'm sorry. I don't wish to begin a relationship with you. Goodbye." If your possibly unhinged caller persists, you may safely do away with the niceties by refusing to speak with him or her at all, which should make your message plainer. If this person persists further, craziness may be more than a mere possibility, and you should not hesitate to talk to the police. Being polite to a date should never mean putting one's -- or one's pet rabbit's -- life in danger.
