Dear Social Grace,
Here's a rather sticky (in more ways than one) question: A former roommate of ours recently moved out. She left several things behind in a dresser drawer. She sold me her dresser before she moved because she didn't want to move it. Those things were: a box of blank paper, some pens, some receipts, one broken earring, a book about knitting, some condoms ... and I think the polite term for it is a "marital aid." But she ain't married.
All in all, it's a random collection of things that she probably set aside while packing and forgot about (the dresser is in a closet). If it weren't for the rather large marital aid, we would of course phone her and let her know that she'd forgotten some things. But I'm thinking that she'd be so embarrassed about us discovering this item (and to tell the truth, we did have a bit of a giggle) that I should just do nothing and wait for her to either get in touch with us, and if she doesn't after a few months, just get rid of these items. Is that the polite way to go?
Via the Internet
Dear Giggling Madam or Sir,
Please, let's try to be adults about this. Not only because that broken earring might be a family heirloom, but also because your former roommate almost certainly already knows that you've discovered these items (and is mortified, the poor dear), I think you should put them in a box, close it up, and let her know that she left "a few personal things" behind that you've packed up for her. If she's too embarrassed to face you, that's her folly. The only thing that's really cause for embarrassment here is your giddiness about the whole matter.
Dear Social Grace,
On a recent international flight, I was accused of being ungentlemanly because I didn't help a woman who had her arms full (of too many carry-on bags and a small baby) get situated in her seat, across the aisle from mine. She didn't ask for help, and she seemed to be managing just fine. But as she was finishing up, a woman in the aisle rushed to assist her at the last minute, and looking at me and another nearby fellow, she said, "Isn't it nice there are so many gentlemen around these days." Obviously sarcastic, and the woman with the baby seemed rather embarrassed about the whole thing.
Now, frankly, I travel quite a lot, and I just don't think babies belong on 10-hour flights, but that's beside the point. Should I have responded to the sarcastic comment? And was I ungentlemanly because I let a woman be responsible for her own baby and her own baggage when she didn't bother to ask for help?
Via the Internet
Dear Traveling Sir,
No to the first question, and yes to the second: Sarcastic comments don't warrant self-righteous responses, and asking overburdened travelers if they need assistance is always the right thing to do. You saw that this woman was struggling, and you did nothing. To you, sir, I say, "Tsk, tsk, tsk." No one brings a baby on a long flight because it's a fun thing to do; you'll just have to believe that this lady had a good reason. And although the sarcastic woman was out of line when she made nasty comments about other passengers, just about anything you might have said would only have proved her point.
Dear Social Grace,
I have been invited to the wedding of a couple I know well (we have many friends in common). The invitation came addressed to me only, and the invite reads "John and Mary request the honor of your presence ...." The reply card says, "The favor of your reply ... Name(s)_______."
This seems to mean that only I am invited. Now, these two know that I am dating someone quite seriously, and besides that one of my exes will also be present. I would enjoy myselfmuch more if my boyfriend could be there.
So, am I the only one who's been invited? It would bebeyond tacky to call and ask if my boyfriend could come too, right?
I feel strongly that if you're going to invite someone to a wedding, you should make allowances for that person to bring a guest (or don't invite that person). Otherwise, single people are again discriminated against in our couple-focused world. So, would it be petty of me to decline to go on the basis that I don't want to go unescorted? Am I being childish?
What Should I Do?
Dear Unescorted Madam or Sir,
Only people named on an invitation -- including "guest" -- are invited to a wedding. It wouldn't be tacky to ask whether your boyfriend were also invited, if you were confused about the matter. However, it doesn't seem that you are, and unless you handle it delicately, your question might be seen as pressure to add him to the guest list -- pressure that may be met with resistance.
I agree with you to a point: Yes, people who operate socially as a couple must be invited together to weddings and the like. And in the recent past, it was considered unacceptable to invite a single woman anywhere without giving her the option of an escort.
