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House of Tudor 

Amazonian space babes, satanic holiday celebrants, and an extremely Elvis Xmas

Wednesday, Dec 18 2002
If there is anyone in this town who truly appreciates 1968's Space Thing, the soft-core sci-fi wet dream directed by B. Ron Elliott of She-Freak and The Acid Eaters, it is the Werepad's Jacques Boyreau. A tireless advocate of underappreciated exploitation films, Boyreau not only archives such fleshy, um, masterstrokes, he also creates them. His latest sexventure, Candy Von Dewd and the Girls From Latexsploitia, is set in the 23rd century, as is befitting any sci-fi thriller destined for cult classic status (à la Zardoz), and is motivated by our planet's urgent need for "seedable" life forms (apparently bio-plundering has distorted the genome, causing testicles to shrink and amniotic fluid to turn to gelatin). Equipped with an experimental potency drug called Vakuta-116, the crew of the 174 Rocket Leroy braves a psychedelic desert world overrun by scantily clad Amazonian space babes with platinum-blond hair and propagating cleavage.

While Space Thing also had such desert-dwelling Amazonian space babes, it must be said that fetish gear has come a long, long way since the '60s. Also, Boyreau's ladies display an innate fervor for fire play, girl-on-girl wrestling, and battle-ax twirling that was all but missing during Elliott's era. Certainly, Boyreau's "Evil Queen" would make Elliott's "Terranean Princess" break out in a cold sweat for all the right reasons. Add to this some spaceships, some monsters, and some robots, and you've got a B-movie bonanza. For the "Liberation Drive-In Holiday Party," Candy Von Dewd will be shown in its entirety, along with Sydewayz, a documentary about auto sideshows in East Oakland filmed on the inside track, and a Guerrilla News Network newsreel from the Berkeley-based counterintelligence agency that brought us such exposés as "Crack the CIA," "IBM and the Holocaust," and "Coca-Karma: The Very Secret Battle of Bob Kolody vs. Coca-Cola." "Liberation Drive-In" will also serve as a zine release party for Oakslander the Lakeside Gazette. Candy Von Dewd and the Girls From Latexsploitia will screen by itself on Friday and Saturday, Dec. 20-21, at the Fine Arts Cinema (2451 Shattuck at Haste in Berkeley) at 10:30 p.m. Tickets are $7; call (510) 848-1143. The "Liberation Drive-In Holiday Party" will be held on Sunday, Dec. 22, at the Parkway Theater (1834 Park at Lake Merritt in Oakland) at 9 p.m. Tickets are $7; call (510) 814-2400.

Founded by Karla LaVey on Oct. 31, 1999, the First Satanic Church separated itself from the policies of the Church of Satan, where LaVey was baptized, seeking out a more elite and creative membership to preserve the legacy of Karla's father, Anton LaVey. While the First Satanic Church does encourage the study and application of the black arts, Karla's flock doesn't believe in a beastie with big horns and a tail, choosing instead to honor a disdain for hypocrisy, a commitment to somewhat rational freethinking, a practice of living in the moment, and a love of strange music. To that end, the First Satanic Church's fifth annual Black X-Mas includes performances by Barney -- a homemade-theremin wizard who transforms the instrument's predictably ethereal sound into something organic, guttural, and strangely seeping -- and K-Rob, the outlandish and fabulous one-man band behind the Odeon's "Ask Dr. Hal" show, who will play organ throughout the night. Other performers include the Graves Brothers Deluxe, Fluff Grrl, Rubber-O-Cement, and Jim Morton, a local magician who can give you an erudite interpretation of the Gilbreath Principle should you be interested in sleight of hand. Satanists are expected to dress accordingly. The Black X-Mas will be held on Friday, Dec. 20, at the Edinburgh Castle at 8:30 p.m. Tickets are $5; call 885-4074.

Not to bring a tear to the eye in this season of good cheer, but tell-all reports from Graceland suggest that Elvis Presley had body odor to curl your dead mother's nose hair. Rather than wash, he was purported to apply layer after layer of cologne, adding insult to olfactory injury. It is also said that his own mother took to wearing rubber gloves and a surgical mask when handling his noxious laundry. So, perhaps, if the true King of Kings had lived long enough to witness the unwholesome shenanigans of eXtreme Elvis, he might have felt a certain degree of empathy for eE's strident display of bodily emissions. But probably not. Still, out of deference to his archetype's favorite holiday, eXtreme Elvis will don some gay apparel -- how gay is anyone's guess -- to sing classic seasonal favorites like "Blue Christmas" and "Santa Bring My Baby Back (to Me)," after which he will no doubt invite the kiddies to sit on his lap before shitting in their stockings, or something equally festive. Already during Christmases past, eE has pissed in the eggnog at the Paradise Lounge and broken all the Toys for Tots at the Covered Wagon, claiming, perhaps rightly, that "every generation gets the Elvis they deserve." eXtreme Elvis performs on Saturday, Dec. 21, at the Hemlock Tavern at 10 p.m. and midnight, with Hattattak opening the first set. Tickets are $6; call 923-0923.

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Silke Tudor


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