Pin It

Shop Till You Drop 

Forget Kurt Cobain's Journals, and try Eminem's To-Do Lists instead

Wednesday, Dec 18 2002
Comments
Dear Diary: Today I bought a shotgun The holidays are upon us with a vengeance, like an off-duty S.F. cop after your doggie bag. Many people start to panic about gifts at this late date, rushing down to the local book mart to grab the latest, hippest item there -- say, Kurt Cobain's Journals. At press time, the Nirvana frontman's angry, confused notepad musings were at No. 4 on the New York Times' best-selling nonfiction list and at No. 41 on Amazon.com's sales list (a couple of notches above I'm Gonna Like Me: Letting Off a Little Self-Esteem). But the SF Weekly reader is not like everyone else: He wants to give something special, something unique, something truly ludicrous. That's why we've come up with some alternative gift ideas for your celebrity-whorehound relatives. Here they are, in order of cultural significance:

Michael Jackson, I Love Children, Especially When They Bounce A collection of helpful parenting tips from the former King of Pop and current poster child for the Just Say No to Plastic Surgery campaign. To wit: "Wrap your kids' heads in gauzy veils -- that way, they won't be as frightened when you dangle them from the fourth story of a building. Also, if someone takes a picture of you and the child, you can pretend the kid isn't yours." Insights you'll find within the book: Bees can sting your feet, so always wear shoes, even in the bath; giving your kids the same name can be confusing to them and to you. Comes with a video game, Michael Jackson's Baby Drop, also available at www.kicken.com/funnyfiles/WackoJacko.swf.

The Other Ones, What a Short, Dull Journal This Is This eight-page tome features everything you could possibly want to know about the remaining members of the Grateful Dead and their band. Here's Bob Weir, on the group's relevance in today's music world: "Let's see, um, well, we used to live on Haight Street!" Insights: These guys smoked a lot of pot. Who knew?

Eminem, To-Do Lists A young entrepreneur made a recent discovery while digging through Eminem's trash: Not only is the rapper/actor super-talented (and white), he's also hella organized. This collection -- put out by Anonymous, so the megastar doesn't bust a cap in the publisher's ass -- features five years' worth of Em's to-do lists. Here's a sample: "1) Go buy milk. 2) Write song about how the store clerk was out to get me. 3) Find a sample of a talking dog saying, 'My master's gone crazy,' so that people will sing along. 4) Pick up my paycheck while wearing a hoodie, to show I'm keeping it real." Insights: Eminem doesn't like his ex-wife, his mom, his dad, Elton John, gays in the military, his mailman, or you.

Pete Townshend, Hope I Don't Look Old The Who's guitarist and songwriter chronicles his touching battle with senility, printed in 20-point type so that his fans can make out the words. Includes his recent review of Cobain's Journals from the U.K. newspaper The Observer, in which he sounds like a puppy that's been swatted on the nose: "'I hope I die before I become Pete Townshend,' wrote Kurt Cobain in his journal in the middle of one of his rants against the rock press establishment. Why? Because I had become a bore? Because I had failed to die young? Because I had become conventional? Or, simply because I had become old?" (Pretty much all those things, Pete.) Insights: Loud music can hurt your hearing; Roger Daltrey really hates that windmill thing; Townshend was asked to intervene on Cobain's behalf and didn't, the bastard.

Courtney Love, My Journals Cobain's widow releases her own compendium, helpfully synced to her former hubby's entries. Readers can now see that when Cobain was writing, "The hairy, sweaty, macho, sexist dickheads will soon drown in a pool of razorblades and semen, stemmed from the uprising of their children," Love was jotting, "That sure was a neat Versace dress Madonna was wearing -- someday I'll be able to afford one." Insights: Love's a heartless shrew, but she sure beats the hell out of Jennifer Lopez as pop icons go.

Sound Dust Stereolab's Mary Hansen died last week when she was hit by a truck while riding her bike. Although Hansen was neither a founding member nor a main songwriter of the group, the Australian native had been an integral part of the outfit since 1992, adding lovely harmony vocals, driving keyboard and guitar parts, and elegant charm to the Space Age bachelor-pad pop band. She will be missed.

About The Author

Dan Strachota

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Slideshows

  • Nevada City and the South Yuba River: A gold country getaway

    Nestled in the green pine-covered hills of the Northern Sierra Nevada is the Gold Rush town of Nevada City. Beautiful Victorian houses line the streets, keeping the old-time charm alive, and a vibrant downtown is home to world-class art, theater and music. The nearby South Yuba River State Park is known for its emerald swimming holes during the summer and radiant leaf colors during autumn. These days the gold panning is more for tourists than prospectors, but the gold miner spirit is still in the air.

    South Yuba River State Park and Swimming Holes:
    The park runs along and below 20 miles of the South Yuba River, offering hiking, mountain biking, gold panning and swimming. The Highway 49 bridge swimming hole is seven-miles northwest of Nevada City where Highway 49 crosses the South Yuba River. Parking is readily available and it is a short, steep hike to a stunning swimming hole beneath a footbridge. For the more intrepid, trails extend along the river with access to secluded swim spots. The Bridgeport swimming hole has calm waters and a sandy beach -- good for families and cookouts -- and is located 14 miles northwest of Nevada City. Be sure to write down directions before heading out, GPS may not be available. Most swimming holes on the South Yuba River are best from July to September, while winter and spring can bring dangerous rapids. Always know the current before jumping in!

    Downtown Nevada City
    The welcoming, walkable downtown of Nevada City is laid back, yet full of life. Start your day at the cozy South Pine Cafe (110 S Pine St.) with a lobster benedict or a spicy Jamaican tofu scramble. Then stroll the streets and stop into the shop Kitkitdizzi (423 Broad St.) for handcrafted goods unique to the region, vintage wears and local art “all with California gold rush swagger,” as stated by owners Carrie Hawthorne and Kira Westly. Surrounded by Gold Rush history, modern gold jewelry is made from locally found nuggets and is found at Utopian Stone Custom Jewelers (301 Broad St.). For a coffee shop with Victorian charm try The Curly Wolf (217 Broad St.), an espresso house and music venue with German pastries and light fare. A perfect way to cool down during the hot summer months can be found at Treats (110 York St.) , an artisan ice cream shop with flavors like pear ginger sorbet or vegan chai coconut. Nightlife is aplenty with music halls, alehouses or dive bars like the Mine Shaft Saloon (222 Broad St.).

    The Willo Steakhouse (16898 State Hwy 49, Nevada City)
    Along Highway 49, just west of Nevada City, is The Willo, a classic roadhouse and bar where you’re welcomed by the smell of steak and a dining room full of locals. In 1947 a Quonset hut (a semi-cylindrical building) was purchased from the US Army and transported to its current location, and opened as a bar, which became popular with lumberjacks and miners. The bar was passed down through the decades and a covered structure was added to enlarge the bar and create a dining area. The original Quonset beams are still visible in the bar and current owners Mike Byrne and Nancy Wilson keep the roadhouse tradition going with carefully aged New York steaks and house made ingredients. Pair your steak or fish with a local wine, such as the Rough and Ready Red, or bring your own for a small corkage fee. Check the website for specials, such as rib-eye on Fridays.

    Outside Inn (575 E Broad St.)
    A 16-room motel a short walk from downtown, each room features a unique décor, such as the Paddlers’ Suite or the Wildflower Room. A friendly staff and an office full of information about local trails, swimming and biking gets you started on your outdoor exploration. Amenities include an outdoor shower, a summer swimming pool and picnic tables and barbeques. Don’t miss the free vegetable cart just outside the motel in the mornings.

    Written and photographed by Beth LaBerge for the SF Weekly.

  • Arcade Fire at Shoreline
    Arcade Fire opened their US tour at Shoreline Amphitheater to a full house who was there in support of their album "Reflector," which was released last fall. Dan Deacon opened the show to a happily surprised early audience and got the crowd actively dancing and warmed up. DEVO was originally on the bill to support Arcade Fire but a kayak accident last week had sidelined lead singer Mark Mothersbaugh and the duration of the west coast leg of the tour. Win Butler did a homage to DEVO by performing Uncontrollable Urge.

Popular Stories

  1. Most Popular Stories
  2. Stories You Missed