Real Life Resolutions

Quit smoking, go back to the gym, become a redhead, get a face lift, take a snorkeling trip, find an adventuresome partner, have lots of sex with adventuresome partner, recapture my sense of humor that went out with the Clinton administration, more museums, less computer, more gardening, expand horizons.

-- Anne Crawford, Sales Guru

Change my socks every day, double my collection of Hello Kitty crap, get a job as assistant manager at McDonalds (or BK), fill at least six sketchbooks.

-- Chick Fontaine, Artist Handler

Mindfulness -- to live in the moment. It seems we all spend our time re-creating the past or inventing the future. So little in our minds is ever about the "now." To quote the fabulous Jane Austen: "May you feel the importance of every day, of every hour, as it passes."

-- Julie Regenauer, CPA

To cold-cock the next motherfuckin' do-gooder that tells me I need to be more assertive.

-- Anonymous

Have a good laugh every day.

-- Gaynell Rogers, Publicist

I resolve to stop sleeping with strange men, smoking the occasional cigarette, and talking to Republicans.

-- Francy Caprino, Assistant Director of Admissions, San Francisco Art InstituteGet back to gym, dump Dockers, ditch wireframes, bleach soul patch, switch to chai, dive into Derrida, loose "Beyoncé and Higgs" tattoo, organize sock drawer, disprove cellular automata theory, fake interest in metaphysics, and be realistic about priorities.

-- Martin Higgins, Writer/ Instigator

Hire a tax attorney and reveal my whereabouts to the IRS, lose my alias, and let folks know my real name. Or, if that doesn't work, explore becoming an expat.

-- Anonymous

I promise not to annoy café patrons, bus travelers, movie watchers, and sidewalk users with my new cell phone.

-- Alexandra D'Italia, New Member of the 21st Century

To stay in better touch with my old friends. Minimize the chaos in my life

-- Lisa Torbin-Shaw, CPA

Fennel, no more fennel. Also, I'm making an attempt to use the word "subterfuge" more in everyday conversation.

-- Nino Padova, Journalist

Quit my job in finance, go to beauty school, and explore my creative side.

-- Katie Wallis, Financial Reporter

Buy some property in the Bay Area, get finances in order -- which entails employing an attorney, an accountant, and a financial planner -- lose the 20 lbs. gained after quitting smoking, meet a politician I could use.

-- Anonymous

The standard: Try to lose 5 to 10 pounds, exercise more, figure out what I want to be when I grow up, resurrect currently defunct career.

-- Karl Roos, Unemployed Dot-bomber

Speak French to daughter to be born at end of January and play Chopin on the piano for her every evening.

-- Denis Pare, Neurobiologist

Remember to take my ginkgo. If I can remember where I put this list.

-- Anonymous

Win the lottery when it is over 15 million.

-- Martha Singer, Art Conservator

Get off my fat ass, cut down on my intake of food and beverages in general, steal more. (Oops, Winona Ryder stole that one!)

-- Doug Ward, Project Manager

I promise not to assume that every SUV owner has blond hair and a ponytail and has never come close to driving off-road.

-- Anonymous

Get a chick.

-- Derek Crovo, Software Engineer

Do 50 sit-ups each morning and try to eat fruit rather than bags of salt and vinegar crisps! And, of course, give up smoking.

-- Katharine Lockett, Art Conservator

This new year, I'm getting my health on! I've discovered Go Lean Crunch cereal thanks to my friend, "The Drumfire" of Afro-Mystik fame. Balance a bowl of this with a few seedless oranges from the 16th and Mission Chinese grocery and a 2.5-mile walk to and from BART every day, and you're on your way to fitness. For a break from the intensity, I'm reserving my drinking for "Slow Gin" every Thursday night at Kingman's Lucky Lounge in Oakland -- the finest bar in the Bay Area.

-- Gunnar Hissam, Publicist, Om Records

"Just Say No" to ATM receipts, go back to New Orleans Jazz Fest, campaign to end 9/10-cent gas prices.

-- Tony Brooke, Area Kook

Do everything Rob Brezsny says, except stop hanging on his every word and considering him God.

-- AnonymousSF Weekly Reader

Spend more time outdoors and less time in ice rinks.

-- Theodore J. Manyon, CPA, Corporate Controller

Learn how to cook.

-- Marc Visnick, Administrator, Lonely Planet

Limit cleaning my house to 30 minutes a day and set a timer.

-- Jennifer Reese, Editor/Mother

To live in the present as much as possible and broaden myself culturally. See my friends more, go to museums and movies, and read novels so I can converse with them about something other than music.

-- Tessa Souter, Jazz Vocalist

After assessing the state of our economy and having a pretty clear idea of what our current leaders intend to do about it, I resolve to travel as much as I can -- preferably by air and far away. I figure as oil becomes a luxury item, those amazing airfares will soon be distant memories. So, time for that TEFL class, brushing up on my travel writing, and where did I put those low-interest credit card offers?

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