Hint: Don't bet on Shorty: Thanks to Silke Tudor for drawing attention to International Quirkyalone Day ["Solitary Refinement," Night Crawler, Feb. 19]. We are glad that our lust for a life that explodes all conventional binary relationships has oozed into the pages of your newspaper.
However, I, Shorty the Dog, the dancingest dog in all of San Francisco and a longtime Shitsniffing Dogfucker, would like to question her portrayal of me. First of all, I was not wearing a "neck warmer," but rather a pink corduroy vest, an item which suggests a certain freethinking attitude and perhaps sexual promiscuity as well. I was distressed that Silke censored the reality TV show of my dreams as "Barking and Shitting" when my name tag clearly read "Fucking and Shitting."
Dan Savage gets away with the f-word all the time, so why can't you publicly embrace in the pages of SF Weekly the polymorphous perversity, the pulsating desire, that is Dog?
Shorty the Dog
Via the Internet
Silke replies: I want to thank you, Shorty, for finally taking time out of your busy shooting schedule to write. If you must know, I am truly embarrassed by my actions, which, I see now, were nothing more than a response to my own fear and insecurity.
I should have never mischaracterized your style and passion in print. But, while there is absolutely no excuse for such inaccuracies, you must admit you were not entirely without blame.
Do you forget my many attempts to reach out to you, to read your name tag -- a tag which was by no means maiden when we met -- and your, shall we say, sharp but strangely gentle rejection of my advances? Certainly it is your prerogative to choose when and by whom you are touched (even if it did seem to me that you were willing to sniff just about anything with legs), but to then accuse me of not paying close enough attention to you ... well, it's just hurtful, Shorty.
As to the vest, I will admit the oversight was due to a certain unwillingness on my part to get down to your level, but even here you are not entirely innocent.
Perhaps if you had taken just one minute to face me, to look me in the eyes and let me see your heart, instead of running away with your tail between your legs to hide behind every cute bitch in the room, perhaps, just perhaps, things could have been different. But alas. In the end, it is always the columnist who must stand strong and shoulder the blame, so ...
For the record: No one in town can pull off a pink corduroy vest like you can, Shorty, and really I hope "Fucking and Shitting" can capture that je ne sais quoi.
Now, please don't call again; I just wish to forget.
Finally: Wow, Silke Tudor is an amazing writer! I really loved how she took the reader on the wild and incredibly delicious adventure that was the "Love 'n' Hades" fete ["Industrial Activity," Night Crawler, Feb. 26]! It had me really going, and I was there! Everyone who has read it has been blown away by her gorgeous storytelling skills and by the fact that it was all so unbelievably true and we all got to experience it together!
Thanks to Silke for her beautiful creative energy and for being a part of our gathering and for celebrating and supporting it in her own unique way! I am so glad that we all can come together and still create such things.
Bonnie Duque (aka "The Bonster")
Via the Internet
A new kind of fraud: Peter Byrne's article on proprietary-specification fraud in the roofing business was very interesting ["The Fix Is In," Feb. 26]. Although it mentions how proprietary proposals are a new method of fraud, I know for an absolute fact that it has been around for at least 10-plus years. It is also not limited to roofing. I remember back 10 years ago that it was happening with computer systems. This leads me to believe that it happens in every segment in government purchasing. Oh, it is also prevalent in regular corporate purchasing.
So nice to know that the greedy scum are everywhere.
Looking the other way: I am a roofing contractor and this happened to me at Portsmouth Square. My general contractor made me do things and I tried to prevent other things, but they said they wanted Tremco. I also lost on a Japantown contract -- or, I should say, the city lost. I see this with the San Lorenzo School District. I feel bad that I've had to look the other way or go out of business.
This mess ain't just in S.F.: Excellent article. We are facing a similar problem here in New Hampshire. It is getting so bad here that the costs of roofing systems, when calculated on a life cycle costing basis, are as much as 20 times what the private sector is paying.
The rigging of bids goes to the next level of fraud. This is beyond payola. This is school board members putting the safety of our schoolchildren at risk in order to line their pockets with money. This is not just greed, this is lascivious greed. We will be filing a federal racketeering lawsuit in the near future. I believe that the top people in this scam will be joining the ex-mayor of Providence, R.I.; the ex-governor of Louisiana, Edwin Edwards; and ex-Ohio Congressman James Traficant in the slammer.
President, Bluestone Inc.
New Boston, N.H.
That's your boy Smith: Since when did Matt Smith become a comedy writer ["Industrial Nightmare," March 5]? Or is it fantasy fiction? After the developers have had their way, all that the city will need are buses and garbage trucks that work by day, and then, poof, disappear, repair themselves by night, and reappear for business tomorrow.
Luckily, in Matt's "real world," the economic marketplace will naturally take care of the demand for this magical result, as there will eventually be too little space left for those problematic activities in S.F. If Matt truly believes that the real estate agents and developers of the world, or market forces for that matter, have the city's economic and land-use interests at heart, then I am sure that those same developers have some prime real estate that they would love to sell Matt. In the city's best interest, of course.
Actually, your boy's right on: I'm glad to see Smith is still trying to bring a measure of common sense and rationality to folks who are trying to arrest a process that began when I was a child, and I'm now 54 years old. BTW, I see that Willie Brown's karma is finally beginning to take a toll on the city that maybe once knew how. San Francisco's Police Department was bad when I was a kid and not much has changed.
About one of my fave bands: Just glad that someone finally put into print my sentiments about the Aislers Set ["The Sunshine and the Doubt," Music, March 5]. One of my finest musical experiences was attending Slumberland's 10th anniversary show at BOTH a few years ago. Not only did the Aislers Set play, but Henry's Dress even made one last appearance to play a few of their raucous tunes.
Aislers Set shows are one of the few times where I can get totally lost in the moment. Their show [March 6] at the Great American Music Hall was over before it even began.
I always want to call friends after seeing good shows and share the pleasure of good live music. Reading Dan Strachota's piece made me feel like there is someone out there who understands how transcendent music can be.
Last week's Reel World misspelled documentary filmmaker Frederick Wiseman's name.
In the same issue, we neglected to credit two artists in "Pirates Be Cool." The story's opening illustration was by Mitch O'Connell, and the logo on Page 25 showing a pirate slugging a monkey was by Ryan Yount.
SF Weekly regrets the errors.