Best White-Trash Bargain Gourmet Dinner

As of press time, John Trani, the most pampered frat boy in history, hadn't yet opened the Hooters restaurant his parents gave him for college graduation. But the moment he does, as scheduled in June, we're there. We're not going for the waitresses with the bright orange running shorts and the big ... smiles. We'll be there for more refined reasons. According to the Wall Street Journal, Hooters offers America's best deal on Dom Pérignon and chicken wings. For around $150 -- prices vary depending on the city, as far as we can tell -- Hooters will give you a plate of chicken wings, dip, and a bottle of Dom. "I guarantee a week's salary that no restaurant sells it for as little," the Journal quoted Gil Di Giannantonio, executive vice president and co-founder of Hooters, as saying of the Dom. Now, the Benedictine monk Dom Pérignon may have invented champagne during the mid-1600s. And the Abbey of Hautville may have produced the first bottle bearing the monk's name in 1936. But it wasn't effete, pious Frenchmen who had the sense to combine this bubbly creation with chicken wings and boobs. No, it was strong, hard-working Americans of the sort who run Hooters. Is it any wonder we won the war?