House of Tudor

eXtreme Elvis: This could be your last chance to get shit and pissed on!

The first time I saw a fat man fuck was at a Butthole Surfers gig in the mid-'80s, at the chicken-tender age of 15. The sex-change-operation footage that I expected from a BS show paled next to a couple of crowd members' hairy, hedonistic display of sweaty, roiling flesh. I was thus changed, tempered in character, and well qualified to appreciate the emergence of eXtreme Elvis -- the feces, the fireworks, the king -- from our bay shores sometime around the late '90s. When eE was booked as the opening act for the Butthole Surfers in Los Angeles last year, it seemed like an idyllic pairing. Perhaps they would collaborate at last. The Butthole Surfers could perform "The Revenge of Anus Presley" from their 1983 EP Brown Reason to Live and eE could incite some well-pressed, silk-tipped Hollywood tramp to shove a pool cue up his ass. It would be a magic moment. Sadly, 24 hours before the nonpaying gig, eE received a contract from the Viper Room prohibiting all pissing, spitting, and male nudity; what incited eE's ire, though, was the parenthetical that encouraged female nudity. EE signed the contract and made copies, and instructed his female backup singer to bring a burka. During the first 15 minutes of his 20-minute set, eE serenaded the Viper Room staff into a false, flesh-less, sense of security, then he distributed copies of the contract to the audience and, at the crowd's urging, dropped his pants and pissed on the offending agreement during his rendition of "Suspicious Minds." The cops were called, violence was threatened, and eE was evicted from the club sans pants -- which is just the sort of peace, love, and understanding a man like eXtreme Elvis looks for in a town. Right?

"I'm actually moving for the weather," explains eE over the phone in his lazy, hazy drawl, "and to be closer to the Church [of Scientology]. But they really need me down there. L.A. is extremely body conscious. In San Francisco, when you show off your big belly and your little penis, everyone just accepts it in their free-love hippie way. In L.A. my body itself is a confrontation, and I like that."

Which is not to say eE has not raised hackles during the course of his San Francisco gestation. Who can forget the live chicken incident at DaDa Fest, which incurred the wrath of animal activists around the bay? Or the PC-police heart attack precipitated by his treatment of the disabled during a performance with the wheelchair-bound Frank Moore. Fact is, even in the land of tolerance and cappuccino, eE has managed to get banned from more clubs than he's actually played in, and, oh, the memories. Here, in his own words, are 12 of his favorites:

No. 1: "Throwing feces at yuppies at Bottom of the Hill and getting banned for life."

No. 2: "Getting punched in the face by a Marina District bouncer for pissing on a jukebox that was playing the Beastie Boys."

No. 3. "Clocking an audience member over the head with a whiskey bottle at Kimo's and then, six months later, hiring him to play guitar."

No. 4: "Parading an audience through Chinatown in the middle of the night."

No. 5: "Blacking out on GHB during the taping of an Evening Magazine segment."

No. 6: [We couldn't print No. 6 for fear of getting sued. -- Ed.]

No. 7: "Animal rights protesters assaulting me at Kimo's."

No. 8: "Riding into the Paradise Lounge on a homeless man's shopping cart."

No. 9: "Vandalizing the downtown headquarters of the Landmark Forum."

No. 10: "Pissing on Virgil Porter's date."

No. 11: "Doing cocaine off my drummer's ass at the Curve Bar during KFOG's 'Kaboom' afterparty."

No. 12: "Getting arrested for stalking Willie Brown."

What a loss ....

When not busy horrifying Los Angelenos or lurking at the nail salon where Lisa Marie Presley gets her manicures, eXtreme Elvis promises to visit the Bay Area, but this "Holiday Show" will be his final local performance for quite some time. So keep your eye on the yule log. (To avoid certain legal ramifications that might result from knowingly allowing such activities as on-site sodomy and public urination, club proprietor Chicken John promises to be conspicuously absent from the premises.) EXtreme Elvis performs with his seven-piece band Saturday, Dec. 20, at the Odeon Bar, where eE has already been banned, at 10 p.m. Tickets are $6 if Chicken John gets his way, $10 if the band has its say, and $8 if everyone is going to get along; call 550-6994 or go to www.odeonbar.com.

 
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