Holiday Humiliation

Faking narcolepsy, gelling your pubes, eating with no hands � it's Secret Snowflake time at Stanford!

Comments (0) By Anna Barrow North Wednesday, Dec 31 2003

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For many, Secret Snowflake is a way to escape that word. It offers Chang a welcome break, the "opportunity to look at things different and loosen up a little." The tasks may seem embarrassing, "but in reality [they] aren't because everyone is always doing something embarrassing." If nothing else, smearing yourself in spaghetti sauce takes the edge off a day spent studying long hydrocarbon chains. Along with their clothes, Stanford students may shed the highbrow, holier-than-thou stigma of intellectual endeavor. After all, he who sticks his dick in a bun is holier than no one.

So, as the new year begins, Dog Bites invites you to say a little prayer for the survival of Secret Snowflake. And perhaps even to save a place in next year's holiday celebration for a little Snowflake of your own. Rather than sweeping holiday humiliation under the rug, consider embracing it. When Uncle George falls asleep in his turkey, why not join him? Chang's already got next year planned out. She's upping her self-abasement level, but she's not too worried about the consequences. After all, she says, "I don't have a dick to flash."