Sounding Out the New Year

As anyone who's ever dated a San Francisco musician can attest, rockers rarely keep their promises. But damn if they don't sound good making them! Here are a few resolutions for 2004 from San Francisco's best aspiring rock gods, DJs, and MCs.

"To live a breatharian lifestyle all of 2004 ... no food, just air."
-- David Dondero

"In this fine year of the sock monkey, I vow to become the first town greeter of San Francisco. Clad in a beard and brown robe, I will stand on the Golden Gate [Bridge] ringing a large bell and greeting all who enter our fine city. This act also marks the beginning of my campaign for mayor."
-- Lee Burik, The Evening

"Help the spirit of Gonzalez for Mayor go national. We badly need a regime change in Washington, even at the figurehead level. Full-speed ahead with Punkvoter.com, the Rock Against Bush tour, and my studio album with the Melvins."
-- Jello Biafra

"To get a boyfriend who can actually play the guitar."
-- Lisa Light, The Lovemakers

"More clothes, less hair. More signal, less noise. More silence, less music. More sincerity, less irony."
-- Marc Kate, I Am Spoonbender

"To find someone who won't turn and sleep with their back to me after sex. Also, to think of the many open questions relating to prime numbers: A) Are there infinitely many primes of the form 2n + 1? B) If p is a prime, is 2p - 1 always square free, i.e., not divisible by the square of a prime?"
-- Octavius

"In 2004 I will get more presents for friends, starting now. Who wants a copy of Heart's 'Dreamboat Annie' LP? No joke. I will try to use the word 'awesome' less. Also, I will not do bad things."
-- Dave Broekema, CRACK (We Are Rock)

"I resolve to avoid prison for bootlegging commercial artists."
-- Kaskade

"My New Year's resolution is to be the Edward Money of my generation. I will blast Billy Ocean jams from my car stereo every day while driving, top down, through the Marina District, the Presidio, and across the delicious red Golden Gate Bridge to Marin, up Mount Tam to the stars."
-- Bart Davenport

"I resolve not to do IT this year."
-- Stephan Jenkins, Third Eye Blind

"Market my beard stencil to Japan."
-- J Boogie

"The wound says no more Paxil, cocaine, or Two-buck Chuck."
-- Bill Swan, Beulah

"To balance the soft and hard rock in my life without ever expecting them to mix like chocolate and peanut butter. To wear wrist guards from now on, no matter how mellow the transition looks from the shallow end. To write as many songs as possible that implement more uses of the cowbell. To turn the world on to the California soul of Wes Humpston's art."
-- Eric Shea, Parchman Farm

"I vow this year to become a grown-up, and start acting like one, too."
-- Bill Rousseau, The Monolith

"I hereby resolve to not buy expensive, esoteric audio gear that no one can fix, much less find schematics for, or borrow money from my (now ex-) girlfriend to cover my rent."
-- John Vanderslice

"I resolve to stop reading my reviews, to walk straight (I trip a lot), to not go on tour so much, to try and go out more when I'm home, to remember to wear my retainer more often, and last but definitely not least, to stop being so damn neurotic/obsessive compulsive about my life."
-- Kid 606

"I will try my hardest, this year, to become friends with Sara Han and Michael Stipe."
-- John Dywer, the Coachwhips

"My New Year's resolution is to spend at least an hour per day perfecting my yodeling skills."
-- VURSATYL

"This year, I will finally walk on my hands, quit giving my outrageous love to those that don't deserve it, and maybe show up somewhere on time."
-- DJ Qzen