The Beloved Self: A Self-Love Workshop & Mass Marriage Extravaganza: Writer, performer, and hip hop artist Aya de León helps the single-folk find their "inner brides," 12:30 p.m.-6 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14. La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-849-2568.
Susie Bright: Sexpert Susie Bright reads from her erotic series Best American Erotica 2004, which includes tales from Jerry Stahl, Maggie Estep, Alan Cumming, Rachel Resnick, and Steve Almond, to name a few, 7 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, free. Booksmith, 1644 Haight (at Cole), 863-8688.
Couples Tour of North Beach's Gentlemen's Clubs: Smutty? Horny? Curious about North Beach's rich history of adult entertainment? Take your sweetheart on a fascinating group tour of North Beach's strip clubs, climaxing with a romantic dinner in Chinatown. E-mail email@example.com or call 510-465-7607 for reservations, 5:50-9:45 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $70, per person, 510-465-7607 (information). North Beach.
Cupid's Cusp – Dinner Dating for Single Men and Women: Sup with a bevy of unattached men and women also looking for that special someone, hosted by "dating expert" Joel Koosed. Reservations required, 7-9 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $15-$20, 864-3500 (information). Atrium, 101 California (at Front), 788-4101.
Electro-Techno-Disco-LOVE: DJs Dan, Donald Glaude, BK, Nick Sentience, Andy Farly, Superfast Oz, Dyloot, Tomslik, and more perform at this 18-and-over night of dancing, with five themed arenas of music in one convenient location, 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25-$40. Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, 99 Grove (at Larkin), 974-4060.
Fuck the Pain Away: Have a most happening anti-Valentine's Day night with synthetic songs of love, lust, and loss, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, free. Lit, 101 Sixth St. (at Mission), 278-0940.
How We First Met: Two cloying tastes – couples and improvisational comedy – will go great together as audience members are interviewed about their relationships, while improv players re-enact said love onstage, 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, through Feb. 28, $25-$35. The Velvet Lounge, 443 Broadway (at Kearny), 788-0228.
Hump: Dance with your sweetie at this aptly titled club featuring Altöm, Penta, Cosmic Selector, Audio Angel, Felix the Dog, and Femmes Fatales, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15-$20. DNA Lounge, 375 11th St. (at Folsom), 626-1409.
Improv for Lovers: Whether you're single or bringing along that special someone, let BATS Improv intoxicate you with laughter's aphrodisiac, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $12, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15. Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason, Bldg. B, Marina & Buchanan, 474-8935.
Jethro Jeremiah Band and Hymin & the Fat Foakland Orchestra: Spend Valentine's Day in the Mission with the soothing, seductive sounds of roots and rock, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $8. Elbo Room, 647 Valencia (at 18th St.), 552-7788.
The Larry Stefl Jazz Quartet: Soothing, Brazilian-infused jazz dominates this romantic night, 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $3. The Albatross Pub, 1822 San Pablo (at Hearst), Berkeley, 510-843-2473.
Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers: Spend a romantic night with saucy Miss Smith, her jazzy band, champagne, and more, 8:30 and 10:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20-$60. Biscuits & Blues, 401 Mason (at Geary), 292-BLUE (2583).
Love Bites: Through solo and ensemble acts, the Lesbian and Gay Chorus of San Francisco sings sad songs about the bitter side of love, 7 and 9 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $10-$15. The Center, 1800 Market (at Octavia), 865-5555.
Love Fest 2004 – A Literary and Musical Celebration of Love: A festival toasting that elusive emotion we call love, featuring Aya de León, James Kass, Corina Peila, Meliza Bañales, Kim Cook, and other artists, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$12. La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-849-2568.
LoveFest: Help raise money for a homeless single mother and daughter, with a concert featuring Sovoso, Kid Beyond, Sean Hayes, Larry Gallagher, Keith Terry, and Nazelah Jamison, 7 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 15, $15, 617-6208 (information). Noe Valley Ministry, 1021 Sanchez (at 23rd St.), 282-2317.
Mike Greensill & Wesla Whitfield: Seduce your sweetheart with two jazz and cabaret stars, performing on the most passionate day of the year, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, 8 and 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20. ODC Theater, 3153 17th St. (at Shotwell), 863-9834.
Maria Muldaur: Folk, jazz, and blues chanteuse serenades the sweethearts with her show "Songs From My Heart. Love, Maria Muldaur," 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $50. Larkspur Cafe Theater, 500 Magnolia (at Ward), Larkspur, 924-6107.
My Bloody Valentine Bash: Rock away your flying-solo, singledom blues with She Mob, Ramona the Pest, The Shut-Ins, and Ned, 9:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $6. Starry Plough, 3101 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-841-2082.
Romance, Myth, and Folklore: Soprano Karen Slack, guitarist Michael Goldberg, and flutist Stacey Pelinka lead the Left Coast Chamber Ensemble in a classical concert centered around sweet, sweet love, 8 p.m. Monday, Feb. 9, $14-$19, 642-8054 (information). War Memorial and Performing Arts Center, 401 Van Ness (at McAllister), 674-4764.
Salsa Valentine's Ball: Whether you're a clumsy beginner or a coordinated expert in the sultry art of salsa, it promises to be a steamy night of dancing, drink, and lust, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$15. Canvas Gallery, 1200 Ninth Ave. (at Lincoln), 504-0600.
Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory Tour: Visit the delicious Scharffen Berger factory, one of the most respected producers of high-quality chocolate, 12:45 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10, 415-554-9600 (information). Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory, 914 Heinz (at Seventh St.), Berkeley.