4th Annual Erotic Slam: Very popular open call for poets of any skill level to read their personal, sex-infused works of poetry to an adoring audience, 8:30 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 11, $7-$10. Starry Plough, 3101 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-841-2082.
Aphrodisiac -- A Valentine's Day Party for Queer Youth: L.Y.R.I.C. and O.H.M.Y. present a chicken hawkfree dance party for queer and questioning youth 23 and under (25 and under for transgenders) where you can show your pretty, young selves off, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, donations accepted. SF Boys and Girls Club, 450 Guerrero (at 16th St.), 864-2724.
Aurora Stories: The acclaimed Aurora Theatre Company presents an intimate night of local Bay Area actors reading selection from some of their favorite classic and contemporary love stories, 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $5. Aurora Theatre, 2081 Addison (at Shattuck), Berkeley, 510-843-4822.
The Beloved Self: A Self-Love Workshop & Mass Self-Marriage Extravaganza: Writer, performer, and hip hop artist Aya de León helps the single-folk find their "inner brides," 12:30 p.m.-6 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14. La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-849-2568.
Susie Bright: Sexpert Susie Bright reads from her erotic series Best American Erotica 2004, which includes tales from Jerry Stahl, Maggie Estep, Alan Cumming, Rachel Resnick, and Steve Almond, to name a few, 7 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, free. Booksmith, 1644 Haight (at Cole), 863-8688.
Couples Tour of North Beach's Gentlemen's Clubs: Smutty? Horny? Curious about North Beach's rich history of adult entertainment? Take your sweetheart on a fascinating group tour of North Beach's strip clubs, climaxing with a romantic dinner in Chinatown. E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org or call 510-465-7607 for reservations, 5:50-9:45 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $70 per person, 510-465-7607 (information). North Beach.
Crush/Crushed: Whether you're looking for the dreamy or the sour feelings of love, you'll be sure to find a great original work of love-inspired art at this gallery opening party, 6 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, free. Canvas Gallery, 1200 Ninth Ave. (at Lincoln), 504-0600.
Cupid's Cusp -- Dinner Dating for Single Men and Women: Sup with a bevy of unattached men and women also looking for that special someone, hosted by "dating expert" Joel Koosed. Reservations required, 7-9 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $15-$20, 864-3500 (information). Atrium, 101 California (at Front), 788-4101.
Duality -- When East Eclipses West: 3rd annual Valentine's night of eastern grooves and underground beats, with local DJs Soulsalaam, Sep, and Shawna spinning the love, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $15-$25. 111 Minna Gallery, 111 Minna (at Second St.), 974-1719.
Electro-Techno-Disco-LOVE: DJs Dan, Donald Glaude, BK, Nick Sentience, Andy Farly, Superfast Oz, Dyloot, Tomslik, and more perform at this 18-and-over night of dancing, with five themed arenas of music in one convenient location, 6 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25-$40. Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, 99 Grove (at Larkin), 974-4060.
Fuck the Pain Away: Have a most happening anti-Valentine's Day night with synthetic songs of love, lust, and loss, 9 p.m.-2 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, free. Lit, 101 Sixth St. (at Mission), 278-0940.
How We First Met: Two cloying tastes -- couples and improvisational comedy -- will go great together as audience members are interviewed about their relationships, while improv players re-enact said love onstage, 8 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays, through Feb. 28, $25-$35. The Velvet Lounge, 443 Broadway (at Kearny), 788-0228.
Hump: Dance with your sweetie at this aptly titled club featuring Altöm, Penta, Cosmic Selector, Audio Angel, Felix the Dog, and Femmes Fatales, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15-$20. DNA Lounge, 375 11th St. (at Folsom), 626-1409.
I Heart Hot Raps: Spend Valentine's Day the hip hop way with Scream Club, Dime Life Crooks, Katastrophe, Urban Hermit, The Real MacKnight, Scarletto, MC Yams, and DJ Trinity, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $5. Balazo Gallery, 2811 Mission (at 24th St.), 550-1108.
Improv for Lovers: Whether you're single or bringing along that special someone, let BATS Improv intoxicate you with laughter's aphrodisiac, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $12, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $15. Bayfront Theater, Fort Mason, Bldg. B, Marina & Buchanan, 474-8935.
Jethro Jeremiah Band and Hyim & the Fat Foakland Orchestra: Spend Valentine's Day in the Mission with the soothing, seductive sounds of roots and rock, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $8. Elbo Room, 647 Valencia (at 18th St.), 552-7788.
Ladies Dining Evening at Mecca: Lady, meet that special lady you lust for in your life at Mecca during a dinner of meeting new friends, contacts, and maybe a girlfriend. San Francisco Police Department Deputy Chief Mindy Pengel makes a special guest appearance, 6 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 11, $39.95, 861-1637 (information). Mecca, 2029 Market (at 14th St.), 621-7000.
Larry Stefl Jazz Quartet: Bossa nova and samba originals dominate a romantic night of jazz for you and your oh-so-special honey bunch, 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $3. The Albatross Pub, 1822 San Pablo (at Hearst), Berkeley, 510-843-2473.
Lavay Smith & Her Red Hot Skillet Lickers: Spend a romantic night with saucy Miss Smith, her jazzy band, champagne, and more, 8:30 and 10:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20-$60. Biscuits & Blues, 401 Mason (at Geary), 292-BLUE (2583).
Love Bites: Through solo and ensemble acts, the Lesbian and Gay Chorus of San Francisco sings sad songs about the bitter side of love, 7 and 9 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $10-$15. The Center, 1800 Market (at Octavia), 865-5555.
Love Fest 2004 -- A Literary and Musical Celebration of Love: A festival toasting that elusive emotion we call love, featuring Aya de León, James Kass, Corina Peila, Meliza Bañales, Kim Cook, and other artists, 7 and 9:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$12. La Peña Cultural Center, 3105 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-849-2568.
Love Swirl: An art and gift show benefiting the American Heart Association, 10-6 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, free, 752-0171 (information). Unitarian Universalist Church of San Francisco, 1187 Franklin (at Geary), 621-7797.
Love to Love You: Valentine's Party featuring Cool Nights and DJ Nookie at one of the Tenderloin"s best venues, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $5. Hemlock Tavern, 1131 Polk (at Post), 923-0923.
LoveFest: Help raise money for a homeless single mother and daughter, with a concert featuring Sovoso, Kid Beyond, Sean Hayes, Larry Gallagher, Keith Terry, and Nazelah Jamison, 7 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 15, $15, 617-6208 (information). Noe Valley Ministry, 1021 Sanchez (at 23rd St.), 282-2317.
Meredith Monk Marathon: Composer, singer, director, and choreographer Meredith Monk and guests present excerpts from "Atlas," "The Games," "Songs From the Hill," "Three Heavens and Hells," and "Light Songs," plus the world premieres of "Night" and "Politics of Quiet," 2 and 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $6-$12, 510-430-2296 (information). Mills College Concert Hall, 5000 MacArthur (at Seminary), Oakland, 510-636-7039.
Mike Greensill & Wesla Whitfield: Seduce your sweetheart with two jazz and cabaret stars, performing on the most passionate day of the year, 8 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, 8 and 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20. ODC Theater, 3153 17th St. (at Shotwell), 863-9834.
Maria Muldaur: Folk, jazz, and blues chanteuse serenades the sweethearts with her show "Songs From My Heart. Love, Maria Muldaur," 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $50. Larkspur Cafe Theater, 500 Magnolia (at Ward), Larkspur, 924-6107.
My Bloody Valentine Bash: Rock away your flying-solo, singledom blues with She Mob, Ramona the Pest, The Shut-Ins, and Ned, 9:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $7. Starry Plough, 3101 Shattuck (at Prince), Berkeley, 510-841-2082.
One Night Stand: Over 60 original works of art on display -- plus live dance, music, and poetry -- revolving around the tempting themes of sex and fetish, 6-9 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10, 673-3080 (ticket information). Hotel Cosmo, 761 Post (at Jones), 673-6040.
Please Respect the Sexy: An auction where Hastings Law School law students pimp themselves (naturally) to those looking for a future lawyer husband or wife, 8 p.m.-2 a.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $5-$7. Studio Z, 314 11th St. (at Folsom), 252-7666.
Popping the Cherry: Set in New York City circa 2001, local playwright Karen Macklin"s new penetrating urban drama explores the lives and loves of two sisters, 8 p.m. Thursdays-Saturdays, 5 p.m. Sundays, through March 7, $20. Actors Theatre, 533 Sutter (at Powell), 296-9179.
Salsa Valentine's Ball: Whether you're a clumsy beginner or a coordinated expert in the sultry art of salsa, it promises to be a steamy night of dancing, drink, and lust, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10-$15. Canvas Gallery, 1200 Ninth Ave. (at Lincoln), 504-0600.
Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory Tour: Visit the delicious Scharffen Berger factory, one of the most respected producers of high-quality chocolate, 12:45 p.m.-2:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $10, 415-554-9600 (information). Scharffen Berger Chocolate Factory, 914 Heinz (at Seventh St.), Berkeley.
Sex in the Sea: Along with a lovely cocktail reception, find out the blush-inducing mating rituals and seducing secrets of the creatures that live in the bay, 6-9 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25, 623-5301 (information). Aquarium of the Bay, Embarcadero (at Beach), 623-5300.
Sunset Kayaking: Spend the romantic twilight hour kayaking in the Bay as night falls, awakening the lovely lights of San Francisco's skyline. Reservations required, 5 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $25, per hour. City Kayak, Pier 38, Embarcadero & Townsend, 357-1010.
Sweat!: Partnered bear (aka fat, gay, largely hairy men) dance during International Bear Rendezvous weekend, 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14. Space 550, 550 Barneveld (between Industrial & Oakdale), 550-8286.
Tasting Chocolate in a Cultural Context: Hear chocolatier John Scharffenberger explore the origins, essence, and use of chocolate in cultures over the past 3,000 years, 7-8:30 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12, $15-$25. Randall Museum, 199 Museum Way (at Roosevelt), 554-9600.
The Tears in Your Beers Twangfest: Loretta Lynch, The Bellyachers, and Nelly Bly present an evening of intimate and ambient music about love's brief highs and many lows, 8:30 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $7-$10. The Tea House, 1923 Ashby (at Martin Luther King Jr. Way), Berkeley, 510-644-2204.
Valentine's Bondage Art Show: The name says it all, folks. Enjoy, 7-11 p.m. Wednesday, Feb. 11, free. Shooting Gallery, 839 Larkin (at O'Farrell), 931-8035.
Valentine's Burlesque Show: A sultry and spectacular evening of dining, champagne, and burlesque variety show, featuring Roky Roulette, Gerri Lawlor, Fifi Le Freedom, Desiré d'Amour, and Gorilla X, 7 and 10 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20-$45. Broadway Studios, 435 Broadway (at Columbus), 291-0333.
Valentine's Day Dance: Sarena Orchestra performs its seductive musical Balkan stylings at this sweethearts dance, 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $12. Slavonic Cultural Center, 60 Onondaga (at Hwy. 101), 510-649-0941.
Valentine's Day Fiesta: Yaelisa and the Caminos Flamencos Company highlight a lovely night of food, wine, and music to share with that special someone, 5:30 and 8:30 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $45-$55, 5, 6 and 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $55-$60. Café de la Paz, 1600 Shattuck (at Cedar), Berkeley, 510-843-0662.
Valentine's Day Film Program: Single during this sappy season? Spend it cherishing the thing you love most: San Francisco, where five filmic valentines -- A Trip Down Market Street, Notes on the Port of Saint Francis, Moods of the City, Designated Walk, and Patterns -- about the "city by the bay" will screen. Get ready to swoon, 2 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $8-$12. McBean Theatre, Exploratorium, 3601 Lyon (at Marina), 397-5673.
Valentine's Day Sex Tour: Narrative tours about the mating and courtship behaviors of animals includes refreshments and chocolates, 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays, $55, 753-7165 (reservations). SF Zoo, 1 Zoo (at Skyline), 753-7080.
Valentine's Day With Hed Kandi: Hed Kandi along with Mike Van Loon, Mike Amechi, and Bernard Cabigon help you dance away your loneliness, longings, and love's losses, 8 p.m.-3 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 14, $20. Ruby Skye, 420 Mason (at Geary), 693-0777.
Valentine's Extravaganza!!!: DJs Derrick Carter, Mark Farina, and Rithma spin tender Valentine's Day into a sinful night of sweat, skin, and sexy dancing, 10 p.m.-4 a.m. Friday, Feb. 13, $20-$25. Mezzanine, 444 Jessie (at Mint), 820-9669.
Valentine's Kiss Cruise: Climb aboard the San Francisco Spirit yacht for a cruise on Valentine's Day, including a three-course meal, music, and the amorous setting of the San Francisco Bay, 7:45-11 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, and Saturday, Feb. 14, $75, 788-9100 (information). Pier 9, Embarcadero & Broadway.
Valentine-A-Thon: Collage artist Gail Rieke spends the day helping you craft handmade Valentines like you did when you were a kid in the classroom. Bring tools and materials to use and share, noon-4 p.m. Friday, Feb. 13, free. SF Center for the Book, 300 De Haro (at 16th St.), 565-0545.